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SICC Story Lines

Opened: Jun 13th, 1999 - 12:26am
Ready for Editing.


Wild_West_Meezers

All the cowboy meezers fell silent in the Longyarn Saloon as the red curtain came up. With a blast of horns and drums, Calypso and the other meezerettes launched into their lively Can Can dance. What a spectacle! Sir Mork, the old goldminer, blushed as the dancers threw their skirts way up and showed their bloomers. Texas Ranger Hawke whistled and yowled for more...he always was the LOUDEST cat in the saloon when he was off duty. And, one more time, Miss Ramona had to yank his whiskers and make him get down off the table

Miss Ramona owned the Longyarn and made the meezers mind their manners!

Tin Yan, the bartender, worked at a fever pitch all night slinging bowls of catnip juice down the bar for all the cowboys to slurp up! Burp, Burp!! Until, finally, all the meezers went to sleep...

As the dawn rose, Duchess was in the barn milking cows...she knew her husband, Hawke, would be celebrating long into the night. The great Texas Ranger had just captured the horrible Black Bart....the meanest old tomcat in the West! And with Black Bart on his way to the Hoosegowel there would be peace in the rugged Western Meezer Territories. Duchess wanted to make Hawke's favorite chocolate cream custard before he ambled home on his trusty steed, Scratchpost. The only sound in the barn was the "plink" and "splat" of milk into the bucket. Duchess began to hum her favorite tune..."Buffalo cats won't you come out tonight, come out tonight, come out....." The thunder of hooves made the cows jump and the Duchess tremble!! The barn door flew open and Black Bart swaggered in with a dozen of his villanous desperados!

"You, little darlin', are COMING WITH ME!! I'm a riding to Rat Hole Mountain...so kiss your sweet cows GOODBYE!!" And, with that, Black Bart swept the Duchess away and rode off across the vast prairie with his gang....

.............Thursday from Rat Hole Mountain

Oh my beloved Hawke,
I have been taken captive by the horrible Black Bart (who you were supposed to have taken in to jail)! While you were at the Longyarn Saloon, Black Bart's men came and broke him out of jail, and they have kittynapped me and taken me to Rat Hole Mountain on the west side of the Pecos (where everyone knows there is NO law and order).

Black Bart and his gang have given you 48 hours (in cat hours, that is), to come up with $250,000 in gold for my release. Until that time, I will be tied to a chair with a gag (that tastes like d-o-g) in my dainty little meezer mouth. They are making terrible threats to my person and my respectability!

Black Bart has forced me to write this ranson note and send it to you. Please Hawke, git up a posse and come get me.

Plus, one of his gang is an orange fellow with no tail! Could it be?.......
Your Duchess - hoping for a big bag o gold to be delivered post haste!

"Sir Mork!! TinYan!! We must DO something!!! I have just learned that the Duchess has been kittynapped!! We have to get her out of the clutches of that evil Black Bart!! And what if there really is a orange fellow with no tail in his posse?? The Duchess could be in grave danger!!", Calypso exclaimed.

The other saloon dancers sat meekly with ears straight forward listening intently to Miss Calypso. They had never seen her so upset! The Duchess was kittynapped! Where is Hawke and why hasn't he formed his plans for a rescue??

Calypso began to howl (which she is superior at performing at the most inconvenient times, however this was not one of them) in the hopes of bringing Hawke's attention to the plight at hand. Her piercing YOWLS reverberated around the saloon and bounced off the walls, echoing all across the town. If this ruckus didn't bring Hawke back to the saloon then nothing would!!! Calypso felt so close to the Duchess, after being abandoned as a small kitten, the Duchess took her in, fed her and coddled her, and introduced her to Miss Rameowna at the Saloon. Now Cally had saved up enuff of her wages to leave this town, but there were too many ties that bind. Sir Mork, the gold-miner-meezer, who had been like a father to her and TinYan, the ever present and proper bartender, whom Cally had a slight crush on ever since that rowdy night that those cowhands had tried to jump her in the alley... So many friends! How could she just up and leave when the Duchess needed her, as she had once so needed the Duchess???

Cally carefully counted the gold she had in her box. Not enuff to ransome the Duchess.... What in the world was a Meezer to do???

Cally's brown ears suddenly flattened upon her perfectly apple-shaped head... A plan was beginning to form. She began to dress in her prettiest red, jooled dancing skirt and packed her grip with catnip, fishy treats and other more puuuursonal items, and stowed it under the bed for quick retrieval later.... She then went to the local horse-rental and got herself a fine Appaloosa steed and set out looking for
Hawke... He was their only hope! If only Cally could find him in time..
(Signed, Calipso)

I'm with you Calypso!

Jumping on her powerful steed, Nikki (Buck-Shot) Meyer, gallops after Calypso, her fine black seal tail flying out behind her....and doesn't she look FINE in her jooled chaps with canary-bone handled six-shooters!
(Signed, Nikita)

Cally glanced behind her as the Appaloosa she had rented made precious time over the rugged wagon-trail that led to Hawke and the Duchess' homestead... What was that fool doing? Cally didn't know who was behind her, but they were gaining and she wanted to make certain she was not being followed by some of Black Bart's guys.... Cally ducked into a crevice to hide and wait for the unknown party pursuing her. Shaking with fear, she pulled the Appaloosa's lead line across the path. When this fool chasing her came around the bend in the path, WHAP! The lead line would knock 'em backwards off the tail end of that horse! Cally held her breath as the sound of the horse's hooves grew closer, beginning to sound like thunder in her ears....
"NIKITA!!!!! Oh NO! Are you alright??????", Cally ran from her hiding place to assist poor Nikita, who was hissing and spitting at her from the ground...."I thought you were chasing me!!", Cally scolded. "What in tarnation are you doing out here, and by the way, where did you get those lovely jooled chaps?" Nikita stood up and brushed sage weed and hard, red clay dust off of the afore-mentioned chaps and walked over to where Cally was standing, holding the Appaloosa at arm's length.

Nikita hissed, "I came to help you, DOLT, and you scoop-shot me right off of my horse!!!".

Cally exclaimed, "Nikki, we have to find Hawke!! He was at the Saloon all night, and I am certain he's holed up out here somewhere on the range. You know how much the Duchess hates it when he comes home with a catnip juice hangover!!! Sir Mork and TinYan have already been informed if Hawke shows up back at the saloon to send him home! We have to get the Duchess back!
YOWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! What are we gonna do?????"

Giddyup Pony! Chiqui flies across the field and jumps on the brown horse that lives at the ranch next door.....she christens him Chocolate Bar, because he's dark brown like she is.........yeeeeeeeeee-haaaaaaaaaaaaw! she yells as she joins in. Being careful to stick some joools and gold (that she found in her mommy's joolree box) into the saddlebag and closing it up reeeeal carefully so the jools and gold doesn't fall out as she careems across the prairie.....Hang on, here I come!!!!!!

Giddyup Gal: alias Chiquitita Burke

I am a Meezer Hermit, living high on Cat Tree Hill. And the oddest thang just happened...
This horse clomped up to my cabin and parked at my water troff. In the saddle bad, paws up, was this meezer. Well I dragged him down...such a BUMP on his head (must have ridden his pony into a tree limb)...and he has a Texas Ranger star on his vest and a SICC membership card in his vest that says "Hawke".

So I patched him up with lintamint and he woke up. And the first thang he said to me was, "I love you, gal! Let's get hitched!!" He has no idear how he got here or why he has that thar Texas Ranger star...must be the amensiha thing I heard tell about from his BUMP.

I sent his horsie back down the hill with a NOTE that sez "Send a Preacher uo the Cat Tree Hill right QUICK!" I"m a fixin to marry this hombre pronto!

Kiko,
I'm the Preacher man of this here town, and I'm here to tell you that Texas Ranger Hawke has been wed to the Duchess these many months past. I married 'em myself! Everbody thought it was a shotgun wedding, but it really wasn't - they was jist in a hurry!

I dunno why the Hawke don't remember he's hitched to the Duchess-they make a right nice couple, if I do say so myself. Anyway, I'm starting to ramble - what you need to do is whap Hawke on his head agin - that's whut makes that amenesia stuff go away, or so I been told.

Ain't no tellin' what kind of trouble old Hawke will git in iffen he don't git his memory back! And what's this comin' up Cat Tree Hill all lickity-split! Well, if it ain't 2 meezettes all bejooled and on horseback! I'll be a monkey's uncle!

So anywho, Kiko, you cain't marry ole Hawke here! I imagine these two young 'ladies' that are flyin' up the trail are here to take him home to his Duchess.
(Signed Preacher Man Max)

Do not fear fair Calypso!!! Ever since the westward feline expansion began, I've been dreading the grave danger of lawlessness and mistreatment of our girls! We, of the Minnesota 9th regiment of the United States Felis Cavalry are on the way! We will be starting our journey at the setting of the sun this evening. Our paws are well toughened from the endless hours of cross country ski patrol training and our legs are most strong from relentless gunnery training on horseback. We will ski, ride and howl to assisst you. We have dog choke collars, guns, doggy biscuits to force feed to the scoundrels, more guns and other instruments of intimidation! We are also packing on our mounts plenty of dried catnip, fish liver oils and old socks for our brief rests and to share when we reach you! Do not fear, I will be there in 2 sunsets with my proud and staunch Siamese! Our dark masks and sky blue eyes will be seen soon, waving the U.S. flag for the freedom of all meezers in the western territory. Timmytoes

Kiko, the Hermit, steps through the swinging doors of the Longyarn Saloon and all the conversations come to a halt. They stare at Kiko, in her buckskin jacket and racoonio cap. She clanks up to the bar (Kiko wears a spur on each of her paws).

"Barkeep, gimmi a double bourbon...staight up! I'm a celbratin! And here's my pouch of gold...the drinks are on me, folks. I just got married to the purtiest meezer boy in the Territories!!" She went on to explain the Indian wedding ceremony which took place, but she was very vague on the subject of her bridegroom or where she got her gold.

Orangie The Kid and I are having a poker game to decide who gets to keep the lil missy, Duchess! Looks like old Hawke don't want her anyway!
(Signed, Black Bart)

TinYan was perfect in his disguise as a barkeep in this dusty backwater podunk town. He had very adeptly kept his true persona secret by being the very best barkeep a town had ever hoped for. His was the perfect position for listening under the pretext of mixing up all those catnip-juice drinks that flowed so freely. Ears swiveling, he kept track of at least 4 different conversations going on around him. He had been sent by Wells Fargo to investigate the disappearance of a large amount of gold, also the rumor that a certain orange cat (tailless) had surfaced in the near area. Rumor had it that he had joined up with a particularly ruthless feline named Black Bart.

A worse duo you could not imagine.
Now TinYan had his work cut out for him as he overheard that sweet delicacy, Cally, make plans to rescue the much loved Duchess. What would cause a tiny little thing like that to run off on horseback, over rough terrain, facing certain danger to her own life. . . course, he remembered her bravery in spying on Orangello not long ago.
Could this be a plot to trap her and punish her. . . perish the thought. Who was TinYan to help first, where was the first obligation? To Cally, little snip of a prarie flower, or to the Calvary who were planning an advance soon.

Alas, fair meezer ladies. We of the third have been intercepted just before the mountainous regions of the west. Pony express brings important meez-o-gram that regiment is to return to Minnesota. I will be arriving by myself in two shakes of a cat's tail. Government to supply gold for ransom. Am getting distinct feeling that an enlisted cat in our unit, he of burnt orange color and very little tail, has been cat's eyeing the gold cubes packed tightly in my saddle bags'n' boodle...Will make haste! Lt.Tim

It was a dark and stormy El Nino night. Sir Mork, old geezer meezer gold-mining Mork pondered the catmos. He had yet another hard, deliberate head-back swig of cream to ease his constipation. "Too much and I'll never make it to the litter box", he said, "life in the balance".
In a fortnight it would be his 19th Birthday. A rush of what was, what could have been and a glimpse of what could be had disturbed his REM slumber these days. Once in the bed ensconced in down comforters--TWITCH TWITCH YEOWL--then on the cold floor. CAT ANGST, Male Meezer Midlife Crisis. He'd read the meezer self help books littering the New York Times bestseller list (available at Ameezon.Cat for 40% off) He subscribed to the lingo and endeared himself to the young dancing Calypso and her lovely girls at the Longyarn Saloon. So, facing West with the night--a capella--and even more vigorously than usual he catterwalled at the full moon.

Sir Mork, he was royalty, of course, SIR Mork they all called him . The hoity toity British genes donated by Anne Elizabeth , his mother. His dad, a passionate Swede (an oxymoron here?) was Sir William Gustav, the only meezer son to Gustav Algot. Sir Mork remembers his Grandpa Gus well. "Grandpa Gus, why do you PURRR all the time?" The answer "Why Morkie Porkie, PURRITO ERGO LOVE". I purrr because I love you his grandpa said, giving him yet another piece of Chicklet Gum flavored with catnip. Morkie loved to suck out the juices and get more fresh gum. You see Love and dental hygiene was simpler in those days.

William Gustav of Sweden and Anne Elizabeth of Cornwall were nuts about each other and soon begot 3 kit kats, Mork and his two sisters. Times changed in the southwest of England and the Lead mines dried up, workers as well as royalty suffered. Alas after too much lead pottery sold to the Roman Empire left them crazy then dead . Now the Cornish Meezers had empty lead mines. Mork wanted a better life for he and his new bride, his kittenhood sweetheart, Mindy.

Westward! HO! over the ocean to Harvard we go. Sir Mork won a scholarship to study with Nobel Prize winning Chemists Louis and Mary Fieser and their cats that were pictured in the Organic Chemistry books of his youth. Years passed, Sir Mork was now also Dr Mork and he was drawn further westward to southwestern Wisconsin, known as the Driftless area where the Lead Mines were found. The land , unscathed by the glaciers was beautiful and hilly with the Mississippi and Wisconsin Rivers meandering through it. Oh frabjous day!! Catloo, Catlay he and Lady Mindy reunited with fellow Kornish Kitties who lived in the hills of Mineral Point and Galena right next to their lead mines! Best of all he was able to get his favorite food again--a Lutefisk Pastie, with KETCHUP! A pastie is a nice meal in itself--pie dough wrapped around potatoes andmeat and the Lutefisk Pasty was particularly delicious--just like mom used to make for his Sweedish dad. The Meezer Miners slept for hours after lunch but they worked like D*GS the rest of the day.

BOOM BOOM BUST!!! Sir Morks Mines supplied the lead for the bullets necessary for the guns of the Civil War and for the drive of the Native American Indians Westward off the plains. It was something he did not feel good about in his Meezer heart of hearts. But it was a living. Every day he would go to the mines and feel less and less. Why his tail rarely quiverred any more--Mork and Mindy needed a change.

Westward HO!!! California. Lady Mindy stayed behind to close up their little house in the Wisconsin hills. Sir Mork ventured into the beautiful mountains of Leadville, Colorado. How to purify lead and molybdenum needed to harden steel needed for the railroads. Mork was a quick study in finding GOLD--especially FOOLS GOLD--not really gold at all but a cheap substitute made of iron sulfide compound called Pyrite. It has a lustrous shine and could fool many meezers --but not expert Chemists like Dr Mork--he could spot it a mile away.

SORROW ! From Wisconsin came word of Lady Mindy's brief encounter with the scoundrel miner cat, BLACK BART--he promised her top quality fish for her Pasties. Lady Mindy and Sir Mork were never able to have kit kats of their own but gosh o golly they tried!!! The news that Lady Mindy's litter included 2 Meezers AND 2 Black Cats confirmed his suspicions that these were not the flesh and blood of his loins that he's dreamed of. But how could he blame his feisty Lady Mindy--he'd left her alone so long. But by george, he was willing to raise the little rascals as his own if only he could get Mindy and the babes to California.

MINERAL POINT MEEZERETTE: LADY MINDY DEAD!! From complications of birth and chronic lead poisoning. She was well beyond the age of carrying 4 kittens. The reports were the BLACK BART returned to DROWN the 2 Meezer kitties but spared his two black likenesses. OH WHAT A SCOUNDREL INDEED!!!

Sir Mork entered the Dark Side of his life, selling bags of Fools Gold for REAL GOLD JOOOLS as he worked his way across California. He had to make a living didnt he? But even in his DEEPEST Male Meezer Angst he knew his life would get better--just the California air cleared his miners lung.

FLASH: Latest M. EEZER Mail from England informed him of his distant niece, Lady Ashley of the BLUE EYES--"BOO DYES" the wee meezers called her . Tho she is over 17 years his junior, she says she awaits his return to England Sir Mork has thought of a new mate after Lady Mindy died two years ago. Could Lady Ashley of the BOO DYES offer him something more than the dancing Calypso who made his whiskers turn pink as he watched her dance???If only his pals, Ranger Hawke and Tin Yan could offer him good counsel!! And what about all the FOOLS GOLD he has put on the market??Its beginning to weigh on his conscience but this is not something he can talk to the Honorable Ranger Hawke about. He has read of the RANSOM GOLD and hopes it is not his stuff-- for the Duchess on the SICC--the continued debauchery of BLACK BART (boo,hisssss)!!!

Time for a nap Sir Mork says.

Via Doggie Express: Sir Mork, wake up and put down the heavy creme, old man!!! Am in need of your immediate assistance. I have left my regiment and am now considered a renegade and a disgrace to the 9th.
Never have I had such a passion as for the beautiful Calypso and wish desperatly to assisst her in her efforts to free the Duchess. I will be camping at Fort Whipple, just east of southern Paiute territory near the southern California-Nevada border. Have brought with me several lusterous beaver pelts to trade for more gold. You must make atonement for the fool's gold profits and meet me to inspect my gold and tell me if it's catuine! What will I do if it is worthless? Will have with me many tins of mice for us to make barbequed mice-kabobs! Please hurry, I could benifit puuuuurrrfectly from your 9 lives as I am still in my 1st yet! Grooowl! Shake the cat's tail!
Lt. Tim

Oh, he would like to remove that Black Bart's and Orangello's whiskers and the tips of their ears, then they wouldn't think they were so very smart. The Pinkerton Agency also had TinYan on their payroll, he was also investigating a traitor in the ranks of the Felis Troops. He didn't know if it was the General, Earl Howl-liman, or the Capitan, Bruce Wail-lis. Things had a pretty bad smell in this town. There were many undercurrents, danger so tangible you could reach out and touch it.

Now in comes this female feline saying she's just married the Hawke. Is she in cahoots with the traitor in the cavalry, or is she in thick with Black Bart and the Orange, tailess cat seen lurking around behind the blacksmith shop?
Has she been paid to tarnish the good name of the Hawke and if so, why?
All of these things would cause TinYan to lose much sleep tonight, tossing the possibilities around and around in his mind. Also, he was very worried about that little, sweet Cally, so ready to champion a cause again--he wanted to run right after her and the gal that rode out to meet and help her, but he couldn't give his position and his whole reason for being here away. Just give him a long enough lariet, and he'd hog-tie the bunch of those black hearted prow-w-wlers. Swingin's too good for 'em. They'd better not touch one hair on Cally's head....
(Signed, TinYan)

TinYan was perfect in his disguise as a barkeep in this dusty backwater podunk town. He had very adeptly kept his true persona secret by being the very best barkeep a town had ever hoped for. His was the perfect position for listening under the pretext of mixing up all those catnip-juice drinks that flowed so freely. Ears swiveling, he kept track of at least 4 different conversations going on around him. He had been sent by Wells Fargo to investigate the disappearance of a large amount of gold, also the rumor that a certain orange cat (tailless) had surfaced in the near area. Rumor had it that he had joined up with a particularly ruthless feline named Black Bart.

A worse duo you could not imagine.
Now TinYan had his work cut out for him as he overheard that sweet delicacy, Cally, make plans to rescue the much loved Duchess. What would cause a tiny little thing like that to run off on horseback, over rough terrain, facing certain danger to her own life. . . course, he remembered her bravery in spying on Orangello not long ago.
Could this be a plot to trap her and punish her. . . perish the thought. Who was TinYan to help first, where was the first obligation? To Cally, little snip of a prarie flower, or to the Calvary who were planning an advance soon.

Oh, he would like to remove that Black Bart's and Orangello's whiskers and the tips of their ears, then they wouldn't think they were so very smart. The Pinkerton Agency also had TinYan on their payroll, he was also investigating a traitor in the ranks of the Felis Troops. He didn't know if it was the General, Earl Howl-liman, or the Capitan, Bruce Wail-lis. Things had a pretty bad smell in this town. There were many undercurrents, danger so tangible you could reach out and touch it.

Now in comes this female feline saying she's just married the Hawke. Is she in cahoots with the traitor in the cavalry, or is she in thick with Black Bart and the Orange, tailess cat seen lurking around behind the blacksmith shop?
Has she been paid to tarnish the good name of the Hawke and if so, why?
All of these things would cause TinYan to lose much sleep tonight, tossing the possibilities around and around in his mind. Also, he was very worried about that little, sweet Cally, so ready to champion a cause again--he wanted to run right after her and the gal that rode out to meet and help her, but he couldn't give his position and his whole reason for being here away. Just give him a long enough lariet, and he'd hog-tie the bunch of those black hearted prow-w-wlers. Swingin's too good for 'em. They'd better not touch one hair on Cally's head....
(Signed, TinYan)

First of all, give me a "high paws" cause we're on the same side! I think we should hook up with Tin Yan and the others, let's not forget my hansome Sir Mork, and get to the saloon! I heard there's a poker game in the makin!
With her eyes flashing and dark tail snapping like a whip, Buck Shot Meyer
leaps upon her steed with a cry of Westward Ho!
(Signed, Nikita)

A poker game. What fun (to watch anyway). Smokerino Bear pushed his little cowboy hat down on his head. He squinted and looked around. Who was tough enough to come to this poker game? he thought. He'd heard about the game while having a chaw with his hero Sir Mork. Boy he sure did look up to the big guy. Even though Sir Mork was missing some teefs and had squirted some chaw juice in Smokerino's eye. That's why he was squinting... But Mork was still his hero. Who else would have a friendly chaw with a little guy? Smokerino wondered what kind of characters would be showing up and what the purse would be at the final poker game... He went up to the bar in the old tavern and ordered himself a 'Knee High'. He paid for it with the nickle his meowmmy had given him. *I wonder if anyone else will be showing up? I wonder if there will be anyone my age to play with?*
(Signed, Smokerino Bear)

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