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SICC Story Lines

Opened: Apr 27th, 2002 - 5:05pm
Ready for Editing.


Welcome_to_the_Bridal_Kegger

And so the tale begins.... Welcome_to_the_Bridal_Kegger.
StoryMeezer [Stories@meezer.com]
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Right now, Sorrel, Sheba and I are fumigating, cleaning and decorating my doublewide for tomorrow's festivities! We have spent the morning ripping out the vomit- and urine-soaked rugs, cleaning the blood off the walls, taking out the trash (I hadn't emptied the garbage for about six years), disinfecting the outhouse litterbox, and shining up the kegs.

The outside of the doublewide is going to look nice, too. Baxter is installing a screen door, and Kanoa and Remington have cleared the yard of all the tires. That took so long, because there were at least thousands of them.

Right now, Remington is shining all of my vehicles that are up on blocks, and Kanoa is festively decorating the woodchipper and all of my various bikes with foofy white bows. Who knew he had such talent, and with one arm, too?

Hope y'all will drop by and enjoy yourselves! My parties are fun. Don't worry about wrecking the place. Just have fun. If you can't have fun, then YOU SUCK, and you belong elsewhere, not at this party.

Pardon me while I go throw another five bags of mulch on the crepe myrtles. Not only does it make the myrtles look pretty and grow well, but it hides those bone shards and body parts so nicely. And it's organic, too!

Remember, come early, come often, wreck and get wrecked!

Valet parking will be provided by Incoming and Pendragon.
Roxanne []
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What a mess this doublewide is! Now that we've cleaned and fumigated as best we can, we have to start decorating.

My goodness, that Roxanne is weird. She has strange stuff on her walls: shrunken heads, jolly roger flag, her coat of arms as done by Auntie RebekahN (the only tasteful thing she has), hundreds of paint-by-numbers clowns and Elvises on velvet, a Confederate flag (actually 16 of those), numerous loaded gunracks, her diploma from the Zsa-Zsa Gabor Matchbook School of Motorcycle Repair, machetes, maces, Ninja wheels and lewd pin-up photos of Pendragon and Incoming.

Sheba and Kanoa have made lots of pretty white bows, and Baxter went to Expensive Papergoods Just for Parties Are Us and got all kinds of paper bells and streamers and matching paperplates, napkins, plastic cups, plastic forks, etc.

This is going to be a strange party.
Sorrel []
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Shriek! Look at all this stuff that Roxanne has in this closet: Rolls of new and used POLICE LINE -- DO NOT CROSS and CRIME SCENE tape, books on how to survive a nuclear winter, "My First Feral Coloring Book" (how sweet; but why can't she color in the lines?), a bunch of broken folding chairs, a full-sized cardboard figure of Jesse Ventura in full wrestling gear, and the cat urine-soaked toupee of Cat Springer.

Geez, if we work all night with a dumpster and a front-end loader, we should get all of this stuff cleaned out before our guests arrive tomorrow.
Sheba []
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What are you going to do with the neon beer signs?
Random's Mom []
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Those that still work, we'll plug in and light up, of course. I spent years stealing those things. I'm proud of that collection! And did you notice how I altered some of them? Budweiser is now Buttwiper? Hee hee hee.
Roxanne []
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I stole the neighbor's pink flamingos for you Roxanne. They would look nice next to the crepe myrtles.
Random []
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You are enterprising. OK, set up all four hundred of those flamingoes all around the crepe myrtles. Don't make any of them do lewd things, though. We have some pretty prissy guests who are coming.

Hey, want to wire them there pink plastic birds so their eyes glow at night? Now THAT would be really funny!
Roxanne []
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How about I put up a string or two of these piggy lights?
Random []
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Sure, put up the piggy lights. Over here in the shed I've got some Archie McPhee hot pepper lights, about 300 yards worth. Then let's make sure all the outdoor light bulbs are bright red.
Roxanne []
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Pink birds and pink pigs with glowing red eyes! Cool!!
That should keep us from barfing over all those white paper table decorations!
Random []
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Then you simply must have a selection of garden gnomes, to go with the pink furrmingoes. But watch them very carefurry, or they will drink all the beer.
Lucy []
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Other than being one of the Maids of Honour...Ailsa wasnt sure what to do...but she did understand food. No doubt, NO DOUBT there would be a barbeque...so that meant meat...and plenty of it...the fresher the better...hmmmmm....
Ailsa arrived at the pasture next door to the double wide and herded a few hundred angus cattle in...when need be...there would be fresh meat. Brechin, (backsliding from his knightly duties) drove up on his Vespa, a small trailer behind it held the cake Panda had asked for.

The cake was taken into the double wide...Ailsa looked around...the karioke machine was being set up...the bows where tastefully hiding any rust spots on the gleaming vehicles...all seemed well in paw. WELL. She looked around for the bar...she had a sudden yearning to do something she'd never done...she wanted a drink...one of those fancy ones with layers....with one of those names like 'Zombies Revenge' or 'Seven steps to paradise' (followed by 12 more steps...) She was a meezerette yearning to pawty.
Ailsa []
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Roxanne sauntered into the doublewide and spotted Ailsa. The leather-clad feral took a final swig of beer and smashed the can against her forehead, then threw it casually on the floor. Silently, Sorrel retrieved it and put it into the recycle bin, rolling her eyes in disgust. Roxanne was such a feral!

"Yo, Ailsa! You don't have a drink in your paw yet," Roxanne observed. "Look over here. The entire south wall of this doublewide is a bar. I have all sorts of liquors and liqueurs from rotgut to outright fancy-schmancy, like this sparkling wine with a plastic cork! What do you want? Just help yourself."

Roxanne looked out the window at the herd of angus. "I'd better go set up Woodchipper No. 6 for lots of steaks and hamburgers. Back in a flash. I'd better grab a bottle of Metaxa first."

With a practiced movement, Roxanne grabbed a bottle of Metaxa, threw it in the air, caught it with her other paw, and headed out the door.
Roxanne []
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Eagerly getting ready for Kiwi's kegger, er shower, Miss SuShi applied a final coat of sparkly blue polish to an extended toeickie. So much planning to be done for the upcoming big day; a bridesmaid's jobs were never done! Already she had accompanied the bridezilla Kiwi to several exasperating gown fittings due to her yo-yoing weight coupled with a desire for a corset waist dress. Then there was the question of the bridesmaids gowns! Thank the meezer gods and goddesses that Kiwi had decided against the fuchsia taffeta with the Star Trek collar and lace puffed sleeves...

She was responsible for bringing Kiwi to Roxanne's, too. She'd tell her that they were going over to discuss security for the big day. She'd never suspect that Rox was throwing her a shower! She carefully slipped her gift for Kiwi into her purple velvet magic tortie bag, making sure not to smudge her freshly manicured claws.

She then remembered another important detail!
SuShi yelled to Panda, "Hey, pidey breath! I just remembered something! For Remy's Stag party!! The cake for Miss Sophie to jump out of?!! Did you remember to get Ailsa to make that giant cake?"
SuShi []
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He could hear someone yelling from upstairs, so Panda pulled off his headphones and heard SuShi screeching at him:
"Did you remember to get Ailsa to make that giant cake?"

He yelled back "YEAH! Don't worry, sister. Geez! It's all taken care of. Now go enjoy your sissy party."

And went back to fine-tuning his tunes for the Stag for Remy...
Panda []
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Baxter moseyed around the decorated doublewide looking for snacks -- and answers.

"I know I'm not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree," he admitted to Kanoa, "but if this is a shower, where's the water? And don't I need to be wearing my shower curtain? I got a new blue one with little baby ducklings on it." With that, the big bluepoint reached into a bowl, grabbed himself a handful of its contents, and put them into his mouth.

"Baxter," Kanoa sighed, "let me tell you a few things. First, you are eating the potpourri. The potato chips are over there. Second, a wedding shower is the chance to shower the bride with gifts, not water. No shower curtains are necessary. Third, your beautiful Miss Lola does not want to be seen with you when you are dressed like an advertisement for Bed, Bath and Beyond."

"Okay," Baxter said, finishing the last of the sandlewood chips and rose petals he had mistakenly stuck in his mouth. "Gee, I'm glad you are here to help a big, slow guy like myself not make a big fox paws."

"Faux pas," Kanoa corrected patiently. "Hey, that's what I'm here for."
Baxter []
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Fiona stopped behind a herd of big pink birds to look around. Her eyes got bigger and bigger and rounder and rounder as she watched the guest arriving at Roxanne's trailer. She knew she had to hide out in the yard until the party was in full swing before sneaking inside. If Lola or Random saw her they would tell her she was too young and send her home. Fiona just couldn't let that happen. Roxanne was her role model and mentor and to miss a party at her house was unthinkable
CookieToes []
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This is gonna be a lotta fun. Specially as I brought my fave garden gnome to the pawty. Here he is on his way to the pawty...hey Roxanne, keep your dirrty pawickies off those bikes! Where's the nip?
Lucy []
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Lola was a little worried; leaving Fiona behind had been just a little too easy. She hadn't complained at all. Oh well maybe she was finally growing up and starting to act like a young lady. Lola couldn't believe her eyes when she saw Roxanne's double-wide. All the trash was gone and the lights and bows were certainly well festive, even though the red-eyed flamingos were a little eerie.
When had Roxanne added the red-wood deck? And karoke? Well it might keep Baxter from stuffing his face with food if he could sing. Speaking of Baxter- Where is he?
The Lola []
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LeeLee, after trying on every outfit in her closet, decided on the unconventional nun's habit along with a simple black, full length dress. She looked like a sealpoint Sister Bertrille. But she figured shabby chic was oh-so-in, and, well, you can't go wrong as a nun. The sequined red shoes were probably a bad choice, but she felt that she needed a little pizazz. Unfortunately, just as Kenmore was pulling up the limo, the heavens opened up and down came a heavy rain. She galloped into the shiney limosine but not in time. Her twinkling red shoes were now decidedly covered with mud and her nun's habit was acting like a rain gutter and shooting water straight down on her pretty seal face. Her mascara was running like a turkey the day before Thanksgiving, but it was hard to tell if it was from the rain or from her tears. Luckily, Marley had left his complete International Shtar Emergency Fluff Kit under the back seat, and in no time at all LeeLee had fixed her face. But the soaking wet outfit had to go. She screamed for Kenmore to head directly for J.C. Penney's where she could dash in and flash Marley's Gold Card.
LeeLee []
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Samson, PC and Timothy are worried. A shower thrown by Roxanne could get a little out of hand. Kiwi may need purrtection. But we're boys. How could we possible get in, they asked each other. We can't all go they decided. One of us must go disguised. A big debate followed. You go Samson - you've had your behind shaved. No you go Timothy. You've gotten so old your "behind equipment" is so faded that you won't be spotted. PC looked relieved because even though he is the oldest - he has retained his seal markings on his you know what. OK - I'm cuter than you Timothy tells Samson. Besides you've been sick and need to rest up for the stag. I'll put that lei on just this once that meowmmy brought from Hawaii for you. It should go with the flamingoes. But if Roxie spots me - I'm out of there. I can out run you anyday, he tells Samson. Just hope I can outrun Roxanne.
Holly's boys []
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Ailsa watched Roxie smash the can 'There's a trick to it,' she growled happily, 'the trick is not minding that it hurts.' At the urging of the hostess, Ailsa meandered over to the bar...Pendragon and Incoming had moved indoors and were tending bar...'Same again, Cutie?' Pendragon asked. And that was another thing...Ailsa was certain she'd had some sort of drink earlier...something fizzy and blue...she remembered a few sips of it then...hmm. But she didn't have it just now. So she nodded, 'Oh, something pretty...you know, with colours...' She felt happy....must be the general spirit of the party. From the back came the smell of barbecue and the traditional barbecue chefs argument about the recipe. It seemed that some manner of alcohol was required in each recipe but it seemed to vary. This was not one of her culinary achievements so she set her mind to mixing in.
Ailsa []
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Lola squinted at the bar. She had been having trouble seeing ever since Random had smacked her in the eye. Ah that bottle looked pretty. She held it up to her nose and closed her bad eye "Turkeybird" that's a good name for a wine. Lola took a sip out of the bottle. Very good. Lola took a big ole slug! Now where was that Baxie Boo.
The Lola []
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Fiona peeked around the gnomes looking for Lola.
Lola and Baxter where standing on Roxanne's red-wood deck next to the karoke machine doing a rousing if slightly off-key version of 'I Shot the Sheriff'. Baxter and Lola were swaying with the regae beat and with each swing the red-wood deck creaked. Lola was waving a bottle in time to the music. Fiona looked at the label 'Thunderbird'. Hmmm...wonder what that is?
CookieToes []
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Mandi was sitting shyly by the bar. As soon as they had arrived Livvy-B had run off to be with Jura and Ioduin and the other girls."Come on Mandi" shecalled behind her..but Mandi hung back and soon Livvy was in a corner chatting and laughing with her friends. Mandi looked around her. So this was a double-wide. she wondered idlely why meowmy referred to livvy as a double-wide???? Asshe looked round she saw this pretty girlwith red furdrinking a blue margarita..she knew what it was because her meowmy drank them sometimes. The pretty lady came over to her with anther blue drink in her paw and introduced herself. The next thing you know mandi and Ailsa were sitting at the bar wit their paws around each others shoulders laughong and chugging the blue drinks. Both girls thought that this was the best party they had ever been to!
Mandy deDork []
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Baxter cranked up the karaoke machine and started singing "Volare! Whoa-oh-oh-oh! Volare!" when Roxanne smacked him in the face with a banana cream pie.

"Knock off that caterwauling!" Roxanne growled. "You're scaring the cattle that haven't been barbecued yet!"

Baxter turned to Lola. "Please, sweetheart, help me get this pie off my face." Lola started licking Baxter's face, head and ears.

"I don't get any respect," Baxter said to his fiancee.
Baxter []
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Roxanne neatly stepped aside as Pendragon threw yet another empty keg out the doublewide window.

"Next time open the damn window first!" she yelled. "Oh, hell, you've broken it in a millon pieces anyway. I'll just stick some tar paper on it before I go to bed."

The feral walked down to the parking area, quickly noting license plate numbers of those vehicles that she might like to steal for a joyride.

Walking back up the hill toward the doublewide, she wondered aloud, "Where is Kiwi, the guest of honor?"
Roxanne []
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KnightStalker and Firecracker Kid were exhausted by the time they saw the double-wide in the distance. Time to land and form a plan. As KnightStalker scouted the area for a good landing place, he spied a familiar figure close to the dense clump of trees.

"Look, Thquire, it ith Thir Random!" he cried. He spiralled down and landed with a large *kersplat*, sending the Kid tumbling and rolling until he came to rest at Sir Random's paws.

"Thir Random! Thir Random! I am so glad to see you!" he said.

Sir Random grinned. "I thought I might run into you two. Now, here's the plan....I've brought fur dye, so we can change the color of our points, and some really cool costumes. We'll dress up as The LadyKillers, a troupe of Meezer Strippers and get into the pawty that way!"

KnightStalker laughed until he cried. "Furry, furry cleffur, Random! But," he added, "we thould wait until the pawty'th well along, and all the gurrlth have crothed eyeth, we don't want to be recognithed."

"Good idea," giggled Sir Random. "But I'm hungry, as I'm sure you two are. And that barbecue sure smells good."

"I'll fickth that thoon enough," grinned KnightStalker. "Nobody can thee me, tho I'll jutht thneak up and thwipe a few goodieth."

Leaving Random and FK salivating, KnightStalker crept into the double-wide's yard and hid behind a large garden gnome. Even if he was invisible, meezettes were cleffur, and he didn't want a repeat of the kerfuffle in the village tavern's kitchen when the cook saw two sardine cans levitating and raised a ruckus.

Suddenly a keg came flying out one of the double-wide's windows with a great crash of splintering glass, and he leaped several feet in the air with surprise. The keg hit the garden gnome and sent it flying. "Gadthookth!" he muttered under his breath. "Thith ith thome pawty!"

He hid behind a bush and waited until the barbecue was momentarily deserted, then sneaked across the grass and grabbed a couple of pawsful of barbecue. Holding the fuud low to the ground, he tippy-toed back to his companions.

"Oh, goody," cried FK. "Fuud!"

"And I," said Sir Random with a wink, "have the catnip liqueur to wash it down with."
KnightStalker []
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Roxanne finished her fourth hamburger, glugged down a beer, and then let out a humongous burp that caused everyone to turn around and look at her.

"What are YOU looking at?" she growled.

"Nothing," everyone said, quickly averting their eyes and returning to their conversations.

"I'm so sorry," Sorrel whispered in apology to those who were near her. "She's feral and has no manners."

Suddenly, those standing nearest to Roxanne quickly scurried away, their noses wrinkling in disgust.

"See what I mean?" Sorrel blushed. "No wonder why Purrincess Kiwi hasn't shown up yet."
Roxanne []
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INCOMING was having the time of his life behind the bar - this was the best place to be, there was PENDRAGON to hiss at and argue with, and occasionally swipe wif pawickie, and of course all the babes! He had his choice, they all loved his swarthy good looks. He had a special bottle of distilled "white lightin" nip under the bar, for topping up the drinks of those special babes that caught his eye...
Incoming []
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Curled up on the sofa, Kiwi was engrossed in a glossy, fat-spined bridal magazine and eating bonbons. "Why do they always use these skinny wedge meezettes to model the gowns!?" she sighed. "And they are all seal points. How come there's never a chocolate point or a tortie?" She slammed the magazine shut and glowered up at Sushi, who had overheard her.

"Neffur mind that." Su chirped brightly. "C'mon - we are supposed to go to Roxanne's to discuss the security arrangements for the Royal Wedding!"

"I don't wanna. You go by yourself. Take one ofthe other bridesmaids with you, like Ailsa, Pris, Baby or maybe LeeLee. And Sorrel will probably be over there anyways."

"Forget it. You are being such a bridezilla. Now get out of that muumuu and into some clothes and let's high tail it over there!"

Kiwi sighed and said she'd go, and she'd wear the muumuu. To heck with it. It was only Roxanne's doublewide anyways.
Purrincess Kiwi []
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Roxanne, still touring the yard, heard muffled crying from behind Woodchipper Shed #2. She went to investigate, wondering if Incoming and Pendragon's rough bar talk had made one of the sensitive girly-girl visiting meezettes upset.

"Yo, Remington!" Roxanne gasped in astonishment. "What are you doing here, and why are you crying? Have you lost your puffball again?"

"No," the little sealpoint sobbed. "My bride isn't coming. The party has been going on for hours, and she isn't here yet."

Roxanne sighed. She could not be feral tough around this little fellow, try as she might. Instead, her rare maternal instincts kicked in.

"I'm sure she's on her way, little man. Now, if I got you a brand new crunchy, woolly puffball, would you feel better?"

"A little," Remington said, trying to dry his tears of abject disappointment.

"A lot, I suspect," Roxanne said, producing a puffball from the woodchipper shed. "Here, go burn off some of that energy. Have a good time, but stay well away from the road."

"Throw it for me?" the little sealpoint begged.

"Sure. Go get it. FETCH!" Roxanne cried, launching the ball.

As she watched Remington taking off after his favorite toy, she wondered why on earth such a kitten of tender years wanted to get married. "He'll be just a year old on March 25th. Why does he have to hurry his life so?"

Roxanne's reverie was interrupted by the arrival of a tres chic meezette on a Harley.

"I'd better greet my guest," Roxanne said, heading up to the doublewide.
Remington Frederick Seal, Ruler of the Universe []
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Fidra roared up to the double wide on her aqua Harley Fat Boy, and dismounted gracefully. She was wearing a pair of white high heel boots, a tight white leather skirt, her white leather jacket and a blue silk tank top and she walked up to the bar and got a pink champagne cockatil in a plastic flute, then drink in her left paw, she greeted Roxanne, whom she shook warmly by the paw, 'Thank you so much for inviting us all, it looks like a good pawty. Is that barbeque I smell?'

There was a sound, it could have been a wildebeast in distress, but it was IoDuin, Jura and Livvy singing 'Girls Just Want To Have Fun' at the Karoke...and Ailsa and Mandi were giggling like mad. Fidra smiled...yes...it looked like an excellent pawty. Now where was Princess Kiwi?
Fidra []
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SuShi drove the Studebaker at breakneck speed. Wide-eyed, Kiwi stared at her as if she was crazed, "What's the freaking hurry, eh?"

"It's a long drive to Roxanne's from Canada, Kiwi." Then she thought of something! Reaching into her magic pouch, she blew some magic tortie dust onto the dashboard. It got sucked into the vent and rendered the car invisible, and airborne. "Now no one will slow us down! Yeeha!"

"Good idea! I need a nap." Kiwi closed her eyes, and dreamed about chickie patties, puffballs, and her Remykins. Oh, and that climbing stairway dream - the one that leads to nowhere.

Just as the invisible dust was losing effect, they pulled onto the grass in front of Roxanne's. Kiwi awoke with a start when a grinning Sushi gave the signal - 3 blasts of the car horn - to indicate that HRH Kiwi had arrived....
Purrincess Kiwi []
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Kiwi rubbed her eyes and looked out the car window. From her lips came a bloodcurdling scream that could be heard all the way back home as she spotted a flock of pink flamingoes, their eyes glowing earily in the twilight.
Purrincess Kiwi []
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Pendragon finished mixing another round of drinks for the meezettes then tilted the bottle of tequila into his mouth, gulping down a mouthful. Incoming popped him upside the head. "HEY! That's for the guests, you stupid fluff butt!" Pen growled at him then scanned the room for Roxanne. She was busy papering up the window he had broken with the empty keg. Pen sauntered over and asked her if he could help.

"Hell yes!" she growled. "YOU SUCK!" Pen grinned at her and took over. Grabbing a couple of posters he had hidden behind the couch, Pen quickly pinned them up on top of the tar paper. One was a surprise for Sebastian's fiance Baby. Naturally it did not occur to the fluffy lynx that Sebastian would be appalled to have his manhood displayed in such a way and that meezettes would start giggling at him.

The second poster was of himself. Pen hoped this would give Roxanne the hots for him again; she sure had been eyeing that Isreali Incoming alot and frankly, Pendragon was beginning to feel a bit jealous!
Pendragon []
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The limo screeched to a halt in front of the double wide, tossing LeeLee from the back into the front seat. "Darnit, Kenmore! Now you have messed up my outfit, again!" Unfortunately, while at J.C. Penney's, she was in such a tither, that she got mightily lost in the big store and kept ending up in the Outdoor Dept. The only outfit she could get her paws on was a beekeepers get-up with lots of netting. So, LeeLee jumps out of the limo, beekeeper netting from the tippy top of her head to her ankles all askew, and with her mud covered red sequined pumps kicking flamingoes out of her way. She cut quite a swath. But the other Meezers knew that Marley's eccentric sister had finally arrived...
LeeLee []
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Miz Sophie roars up to Roxanne's doublewide on her pink Harley. The red-eyed flamingoes give her quite a start, but she should have known what to expect. This is Roxanne's abode after all. Sophie jumps from her bike and smoothes her pink leather skirt over her ample hips, yanks up her pink go-go boots (the better to dance the night away), and pulls her pink leather jacket with the fringed bottom closer to her as there is the slightest chill in the air. Her pink gauzy scarf with the words BORN TO BE WILD on it flaps out behind her in the breeze. She immediately spies Roxanne ready to greet her at the trailer door. "Thank you for invitin' me, Roxanne" Sophie purrs. "Now where's the bar?" Sophie follows Roxanne's pointed paw to the right where Pendragon is serving up some frozen concoction to the guests. "Can y'all make lil ole me a mudslide, Penny darlin'?" Miss Sophie asks as she scans the room. Her eyes immediately land on the nekid meezer posters plastered around the trailer. Now why doesn't Marley evah pose like that she muses to herself. Ah'd buy a dozen of those! *giggle* "And what's this about a cake?" she inquires of Pendragon. "Ah've been hearing rumors."

Sophie walks over to the kitchen as Ailsa motions her toward the biggest cake she evah did see! Sophie's eyes grow wide in disbelief as the cake opens and she sees there is just enough room for a meezette inside. There's only one problem. There's not enough room for an ample meezette inside! Sophie and Ailsa stare at each other until the same thought hits them. Ailsa reaches into the kitchen drawer and hands Sophie a spoon, grabs one for herself and the two gurls dig into the cake. "Yummmmmmmy!" Sophie exclaims. "Delicious," Ailsa agrees. "Why, we'll have this cake down to size in no time," Sophie purrs. "Hand me another spoon, Ailsa!" Sophie and Ailsa begin to giggle when they look at each other. Ailsa has cake icing smeared across her upper lip and Sophie has cake crumbs dangling from her whiskers. What a sight!
Miss Sophie, Magnolia of the South []
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Oh my l**d in heaven..wispers Baby as swoons into the door of the doublewide...she had just caught sight of Sebastian poster tacked up on the wall...it was life-sized picture of manly meezer!!!
Give her air...shouts Zoe as waltzs in behind the swooning Baby...she will be all right!! Baby just hasn't seen parts like THAT in a coon's age...Gimme a beer, Pen...any kind will do, I am quite thirsty, after that loooooong ride.
Lady Baby []
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At the sound of the horn and Kiwi's shriek, Remington came running to greet his fiancee.

"What are THOSE?" the frightened purrincess whispered.

"Oh, those are Roxanne's plastic flamingoes stolen from the neighbors' lawns. She and Random rigged them up with flashing red eyes. Don't be afraid. They are all fake."

Remington opened the car door and gently helped his beloved Kiwi from the car.

"Oh, what a lovely muumuu!" he purred. "You know, Baxter has one JUST LIKE IT! Now let's go see Roxanne and talk about the wedding plans."

"What are all those cars?" Kiwi asked suspiciously.

"Roxanne has a lot of friends," Remington shrugged.
Remington Frederick Seal, Ruler of the Universe []
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Random, Lester and Firecracker Kid were full of barbecue and nip, and it showed. The Kid had fallen over twice and Lester and Random, draped over each other, had sung a loud and very off-key rendition of "I think I'm turning Siamese" to a tree. Much as they wanted to spend the rest of the day snoozing in the sun, Random said they should get ready for their performance. He handed FK his checklist and opening the rear doors of the van, started rummaging amongst all the stuff he'd brought.
"Lilac fur dye."
"Check."
"Leather costumes."
"Check."
"Masks."
"Check."
"CD player and recording of 'The Stripper'."
"Check."
"FK, what's with all these fireworks?"
"Well....ummm....I thought it would make a nice finale to the dance."
"Good thinking, FK!" grinned Lester. "The purrfect diverthion, and we can uthe thothe thparklerth to add thome extra pithath to the danth!"

The thought suddenly occurred to Random that nobody could actually see Lester. What would everyone think if all they could see was some lilac dye and a costume? They would be well and truly sprung.

"No worrieth, mate," said Lester, reading Random's mind, "I have a thpethial thpell I can uthe, jutht for thuch thpethial occasionth."

Giggling, they applied their dye and dressed in their black leather costumes, climbed into the van and headed for the party.
KnightStalker []
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Fiona stole quietly underneath the red-wood deck. As silently as she could she slide a paw over the edge of the deck and snagged Lola's high heels from where she had left them. Lola's big tote bag was there too and Fiona pulled it down beside her Sitting under the deck she applied Lola's makeup to her face and admired the results in the little compact mirror . Yes she definitely looked several months older and with her long legs and the high heels she would be as tall as any of the adult meezerettes; but she needed a fancy dress.
Once again she peeked over the edge of the deck. There was some netting in a pile that she could just reach. Where did that come from? As she pulled it underneath the deck she realized it was the head dress from LeeLee beekeeper's costume. Fiona hadn't spend all those hours in the sewing room for nothing . She ripped the netting away from the hat and draped it around her body just like a Paris couture. With one last glance over her shoulder she sneaked from under the deck and headed for the front door of the trailer.
CookieToes []
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Firecracker Kid was resplendent in his purrrpow die. Why I is a REAL lilac point now Uncle Lester he said.

He looked at himself in the mirror, presented his sparkle ball gift sweetly and shyly to Princess Kiwi, and then went looking for the beautiful, lovely and slightly tipsy Miss SuShi. Although he was clearly becoming a young man, he wondered if she would see him as the FireMAN and not FireCKid. He picked the best canape in the lot and brought it to her. Before he did his firecracker act he was wanting to see if she would at least say Hi to him.

Uh, Miss Sushi, would you like this yellow tuna sushi I picked off the plate. I got the biggest bestest one!

he blinked his big blues at her.
Firecracker Kid []
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It was a loverly party...Mandi had gone off to get more of those blue drinks served in the big glasses...when she saw the three strange meezerettes in costume...'Whoops...you gurls got the wrong address...you're s'posed to be at the stag party...this here's....ehrm..this is the bridal kegger...I mean...bridal shower...we've ordered some of those hunky Chippenmeezer dancers for this shindig....' Guiding two of the gurls by the shoulder she guided them outside to LeeLee's limo, 'Kenny, be a shweet heart and drive these gurls to the stag party...' Ailsa pushed the third dancer into the limo and whispered 'Honestly..you need to bulk up, there's positively nothing to you.'

She stood and waved as the limo roared off into the night, proud of her good deed. Mandi handed her another margarita and they went back to the celebration....
Ailsa []
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"Oy!" cried Lester as some meezette pushed him into a limo with Random and the Kid. "Where are you taking uth?"

Kenmore adjusted his chauffeur's cap to a rakish angle and roared off down the road. "You're at the wrong pawty, gurrls, the strippers are supposed to be at the stag shindig."

"No, no!" said Random, hanging on to the seat for dear life as the limo bounced and swayed. "We're the meezer strippers, not the meezettes, you furry twerp! Take us back immediately, or I swear by all that's furry, you'll be first in line for the woodchipper!"

Kenmore slammed on the brakes.

"Here's the contract," said Lester, "signed by Roxanne herself." Kenmore looked at the piece of paper with the blurry paw-print at the bottom. He didn't know quite what to think, but the thought of being chipped was worse than being hit on head with Marley's pawickie.

"Take us back and you can be the Master of Ceremonies," Random told him.

Kenmore thought that was a good idea. He could be a star at last, and get his own back on his striped room-mate, who was always bragging about how famoush he wash. So he turned the limo around and headed back to the double-wide.
KnightStalker []
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The limo pulled up in the yard, knocking over several pink flamingoes and narrowly missing the barbecue. Out tumbled the three costumed friends, followed by Kenmore who was waving his tail in anticipation of finally achieving the fame he so richly deserved.

"Make the announthment, Kenny, and put on the muthic" said Lester, "Random, Kid, are you ready?"

Kenmore stood on his hind paws, struck a pose, and cleared his throat *ahem*.

"Furriends! Romeowans! Countrymeezers!" he shouted above the din. "Lend me your pointed ears!" Firecracker Kid dug him in the side with his elbow.

"Wrong script, Kenmore. We're not doing Shakespeare!"

"Well...ok...Ladies, may I present *drum roll* this evening's entertainment, the Lilac Ladykillers!"

The meezettes' jaws dropped to the ground and several spilled their drinks as the three meowen started bumping and grinding to the beat of the music. *boom da da BOOM da da BOOM da da BOOM* The chains and studs on their costumes gleamed.

Off came the biker's gloves, which were thrown into the crowd admidst yowls of "take it off!".

Roxanne was thoroughly enjoying herself. This was more like it! Although she did wonder who had organized the dancers, and was a bit grumpy that she herself hadn't thought of it.

The three meezers lit their sparklers and, twining their tails around them, waved them back and forth, showering the spectators with sparks and eliciting more screams of delight.

"Hey," said Random to Lester, "there's Fiona. The one dressed in that silly outfit and teetering around on high heels."

*Boom da da boom da da boom da da BOOM* Off came the leather jackets. Meezettes fought to claim them, and one or two others stuffed $100 bills down the boys' leather pants. (Firecracker Kid nearly lost it at that point, as it tickled almost more than he could bear.)

*Boom da da BOOM* with a flourish they took off their tight leather pants...the meezettes howled with delight...Lester nodded to Kenmore, who started lighting the fireworks.

"Oh, look!" the meezettes cried, rushing outside to see the show.

"Now!" cried Random. "Grab Fiona and let's make tracks out the back door!"

Fiona screeched with surprise as Lester grabbed her and headed out the door, followed by Random and FK. Laughing, they ran to where they'd stashed the van, piled in and took off down a back lane.
KnightStalker []
*****************************
"And nobody noticed us grab Fiona and scoot out the door," giggled Firecracker Kid.
"Oh yeth, they did," said Lester. "Rockthanne did."
"We're in big trouble, then," said Random, crunching the gears.
Lester smiled knowingly and blinked. "Jutht keep driving, Random. It'th all been taken care of."

Meanwhile, back at the double-wide....

Roxanne snarled. It must have been that Random and his hairy friends who took Fiona, despite her security measures. She ran over and grabbed Incoming from behind the bar. "Yo!" she said. "We gotta get on our bikes and catch those dudes!" "But, Roxanne, I don't wanna leave the pawty!" "You'll come with me right meow," Roxanne glowered at him, "Or you won't be Incoming any longer, you'll be Outgoing! And start the woodchipper on your way out!" They ran into the yard, leaped on to the bikes and started them up. But the bikes sputtered and died.

"WHAT THE...." growled Roxanne. And then, to make matters worse, the woodchipper suddenly exploded!

Meanwhile, back in the van...

"What was that?" cried Fiona, as the sound of an explosion reached their ears.

"That," said Lester smugly, "was Rockthanne's woodthipper. I thabotaghed it."

"But what about the bikes?" asked Random.

"They won't be going anywhere today," Lester replied. "I thtuffed potatoeth up their eckthauthtth and poured thand in their gath tankth!"
KnightStalker []
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Lucy was so embarrassed . The garden gnome she'd brought to the pawty had snuck into the bar area and demolished a large bottle of Roxanne's cheapest Port. Somewhat worse for wear, he'd then made a rude remark to Firecracker Kid about the color of his points, wandered outside and passed out on a tree stump, a stupid grin on his face.

"Meowmy is going to be so upset," Lucy said to herself after apologizing to Firecracker Kid. "I'll ask Kenmore to take him home in the limo before he does any more damage." She picked up the gnome and strapped him into the limo's back seat with a large cup of black coffee and a pair of designer sunglasses. "Gnome, James!" she said to Kenmore.
Lucy []
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SuShi grinned at the revelers, and patted LeeLee on the shoulder. "Great gear, hun!" SuShi exclaimed. "Is that Prada? Wowmeow! You are the most daring dresser. I'd love to root through your wardrobe someday. And that make-up! It just HAS to be 1980s goth MAC. How brilliantly retro! Are you an artist? You are soooo cool!"

Turning around she saw a strange but very cute meezette with purple dyed tips and a leather cloak. Was she some sort of androgynous punk rock kitty? SuShi graciously nibbled the raw fish delicacy this stranger presented her, and smiled sweetly, showing her great, lusty fangs. With a swish of the cape, the stranger then ran off to join 2 others, who were lugging a portable stereo onto a platform. SuShi noticed a bit of red orange fur that had been missed in the dye job and giggled.

Little did Su know that she was really a he! The music blasted. Su stared in disbelief as this stranger "took a walk on the wild side" with the 2 others - strutting their stuff to the deeeeelight of all in attendance. That FK could really dance!
SuShi []
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It was a starry night - the music and laughter of the party could be heard all over the park. Out back behind the outdoor litter privy, Remington held Kiwi close and nuzzled her ear. "Let's go join the party, dearest. There are tacky presents for you and everything!"

Hugging onto Remington with all her might, she screeched "What was that explosion???"
Purrincess Kiwi []
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Firecracker Kid was in heaven. Miss SuShi, the most beautiful tortie in the world, well sorry mom and sis, TALKED TO HIM. He was smitten. in love, flat, singing, Joy, happy happy joy joy.

He opened his velvet bag of tricks and threw up his biggest brightest fireworks collection so it exploded right over Roxannes trailer. And of course he threw in the maple leaf for Miss SuShi.
Firecracker Kid []
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INCOMING was always a quick thinker - most ferals are, to be able to survive in a rough world. Somebody go wake up SNAP THE DOG - his breath is almost as lethal as the woodchipper. The last time I saw him he was out back sleeping it off after scarfing up leftovers from the barbeque.
ROXANNE, you go throw Kenny out of the Limo - it's turbocharged and we'll be able to catch up with that stupid van in no time.
Incoming []
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"hey, cinnamon, wanna take a bweak fwom our adventuwe an go to woxanne's pawty?"
"yeah, lily, i wanna go, but what if they say i'm too young?"
"nevew mind, hunny, yu just hide behind me. nobody wiww see yu dat way! wet's go!"
Lily []
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Roxanne stormed up to Kenny's limo and bodily removed the fluffenator.

"Yo, move your fat, fluffy a$$ into the doublewide and start serving drinks, Kenny! Come on, Incoming. I'll drive. You get ready to spring into action. I know the back roads around here. We'll catch them up in no time."

And with a terrible squealing of tires, Roxanne and Incoming took off after the party crashers who had stolen Fiona.
Roxanne []
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A beautiful lavender and blue coach , being pulled by Seven Sparkling Dalmatians (there were amethysts on their harnesses), pulled in and parked next to the offroad 4x4's, RV's, and various motorbikes.

Four snapping wienerdogs rolled out a purple carpet. Whooosh!!! out jumped black Ioduin, who sprinted to the door of the doublewide, and joined the party, looking for her Great Friend Jura....
Delicate lilac pawickies, with white ribbons criss crossing up to the ankles, stepped gingerly down onto the carpet. Boxes and boxes of wedding presents were unloaded by the dalmatain team. Queen Daphine Dontat, out of her element, but nevertheless Not Snooty, joined the frey. She had always admired the stylish happy couple.......
Queen Daphine []
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Roxanne swore mightily as she sped down the country roads, trying to catch up to Fiona's kittennappers. "Oh, crap! I think I saw Queen Daphine's royal rig pulling into my doublewide's parking field just as we were heading out."

"Pendragon will handle it," Incoming said, grabbing binoculars to search the road ahead.

"That's what I'm afraid of," Roxanne said. "He's going to act like a real weenie, and I won't be there to see it or to help him smash up the bar. Darn this silly Fiona kitten. She's been nothing but trouble. Maybe we should just let them keep her!"

"Hell, Roxanne, where did you learn to drive?" Incoming asked as Roxanne stomped her feral foot to the accelerator.

"I was taught by the Massad. Don't ask," Rox growled, staring straight ahead. "Let's just say that I aced escape and evasion."

"Hello, what do we have here? Catnappers at 12 o'clock," Incoming announced.

"Prepare to fire at their tires," Rox said, tossing him her 30-30 rifle.
Roxanne []
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I just happen to have my own weapon of choice, growled INCOMING, dodging the thrown weapon. He reached into his sidepouch and pulled out some ninja throwing stars. Yous gots to be careful wif dese fings - I keeps em specially sharp wif dat army surplus fingie dat my friend gave me when he retired from da flying fiends squad. Yous got to use just da tips of your clawickies.
Even as he spoke, INCOMING flung two of the flying stars directly at the van's back tires, and almost immediately there was a satisfying whump whump as both tires blew out.
KUNI taught me dat trick - you frows wif bofe pawickies at da same time and kinda twist your wristickie around at da same time. Gives extra power to da stars. Of course, it also helps dat dese are made of metal dat can slice tru a tank.

By this time, the van was slewing widely across the road as the driver tried to drive on two back rims. Sparks were flying everywhere, so ROXANNE was squinting ferociously (she did everything ferociously) as she tried to keep the limo at the right distance.
Hey, yous guys! Isn't that a tortie face looking out of the back window of the van?? Dat little brat FIONA is having the time of her life!!
Incoming []
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The van ahead lost control and flipped. The back doors opened, and Fiona was forcibly ejected, flying high into the air.

"Quick, open the sunroof!" Incoming shouted.

Roxanne did, and the young tortie brat landed with a resounding thud in the limo's back seat. Roxanne immediately spun the limo around and raced back toward the doublewide. She closed the sunroof and locked all the doors.

"This is so much fun!" the little tortie laughed, clapping her tortilicious little front paws.

"You are going to clean out my litterbox, you little brat," Roxanne growled. "What a pain in the a$$ you are. And you're going to be Baxie Boo's sister-in-law. Sheesh, that poor big dumb oaf will have to be dealing with the likes of you!" Turning to Incoming, she nodded. "Nice work. I didn't know you were a ninja!"
Roxanne []
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Pendragon had been serving Baby yet another rainbow-colored concoction when he heard squealing tires and loud cussing. He left Baby slurping her drink and staring at Sebastian and ran to the door, breaking it down with both front paws. Kenmore's limo rocketed out of the yard; Pen glimpsed Roxanne at the wheel and Incoming at her side. His tempter, held in check all day long, finally boiled over.

Howling loudly, he grabbed an Elvis poster and frisbee'd it out into the yard, narrowly missing Queen Daphine as she stepped delicately onto the porch. She stopped in surpise and eyed the pissed off fluffenator. "Are you the bartender?" she cooly asked.

Pendragon stared at her, teeth barred, growling low in his throat. "Yeah! What of it?"

"I need a drink. Please." She regarded him with a cool gaze. Pendragon was impressed. Now THIS was a lady! He ran back into the doublewide and hopped behind the bar, swiping it clean of dirty glasses with one sweep of his big striped paw. Glasses and empty bottles shattered to the floor. Pendragon reached under the bar and pulled out a bottle of golden liquid, a fresh lime, and a salt shaker. Queen Daphine sidled up on the bar and laid down on it, putting out her paw. Pendragon licked it then poured salt on it. He bent over her and poured the gold liquid in her delicate mouth then handed her a slice of lime as she licked the salt off her paw. Pen grinned at her then looked up at the loud gasp behind him.

A cadre of meezettes was staring in open-mouthed astonishment at the bar scene. Jura finally stammered, "Daphine? What in the world?"
Pendragon []
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*Her lilac lips just wouldnt come back down over her fangs.....so she made the best of it and smiled with whicketts sticking out fiercely and said nothing. After all, why should they be so shocked? He was a HANDSOME striped Bad Boy, serving her weakness Cuervo Ano with a twist.....She gave him the full purrriviledge of the deep azure eyes of a seal point in a lilac facickie and wondered if he knew how to make her alltime favorite Los Reyes de Pirato's Azule ( Pirate's Blue Sunset ...Blue Agave Tequila, a twist of Catnip bud, and a Worm......?) But her tongue was too rough to say a word*

She wished someone would play a Jimmy Buffet album quick!
Queen Daphine []
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Random and the Firecracker Kid crawled out of the wreckage of the van and started licking their fur smooth. Knightstalker had decorporealized again and floated over head. Fk looked very sad and turned to Random and said 'Now wot? Our mission is a failure.'
Random laughed replying 'I don't think so. We know Fiona is safe and so is Lola. Fiona is having a great time following Roxanne around and pretending to be a rascal knight and Lola is smooching with Baxter, eating and snorting catnip, her three favorite things. Let's take some of these pieces of the van tires and wrap around those ninja throwing stars; I have a great idea for deep sea fishing. Let's go to Hawaii to the stag party!'
Random []
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Roxanne pulled into the parking lot, hopped out of Kenny's limo, and grabbed Fiona by the ear. "Come on, you little brat, you have work to do!" she hissed. She dragged her over to the litterbox privy and handed her a shovel, a bottle of disinfectant, and a mop. "I want this latrine sparkling! And no, you do NOT charge the guests for using the litterbox." Before Fiona could say anything more, Roxanne clamped a beeping bracelet around the kitten's left hind leg. "Know what that is, brat kitten? That's a tracking device. The minute you leave this privy, a huge civil defense siren is going to blast, and I'll know your whereabouts. Now get cleaning!"

Fiona laughed until she saw that Roxanne was serious.

"But I'll miss the party!"

"My point exactly!"

Tears formed in Fiona's pretty blue eyes. "But I wanted to see HRH Kiwi open her presents."

"You should have thought of that, kitten, before misbehaving."

"Why are you being so hard on me?" the little tortie pouted.

"Because," Roxanne said sternly, "I don't want to be bailing your tortilicious hide out of the shelter's death row. If you run all around, then humans will catch you, and nothing good will come of it. Worse yet, you could get stuck without any human assistance and have to fend for yourself in the wilds. You could even get run over by a car and left for dead, just like I was. Being feral is a tough existence, kid, and it's not for you. I want something more for you than to see you eating garbage and ducking stones thrown by evil humans. Now, be sure you get the litter that's stuck in the corners."

"Yes, ma'am," Fiona said, holding back her sobs of disappointment as she picked up the litter shovel. It would be a long afternoon.

Roxanne walked up to the doublewide and prepared to meet the Queen. Just before she went inside, Incoming caught her attention. "Yo, Rox! The Queen is DRUNK!"
Roxanne []
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Now this is where Paprika stepped in. it was all very good and well to try to get Fiona back, but she had been watching her all the time in her crystal ball and could see it was not going to work. Fiona was an independent little girl after all and needed her own life. And she had a good one,. fish beds, a doting big brother, Theresa's love. Yes she decided to let her go back to her new home.

She snuck into the Trailer wearing her special invisible Voodoo Priestess mama Loa cloak and pffsst to Fiona.

Mommy! Fiona cried. Paprika motioned silence and sprinkled some weasle hair powder on her leg. The Roxanne restraining ring slid off onto the floor. There was a rather corpulant meezer curled up asleep in the corner with a bottle in his hand and paprika slipped the restraining ring on his wrist. Paprika's eyes glowed like blue fire. Nothing, nothing could stop Paprika when her juju was working. She pulled Fiona out of the room, folded hrr into her arms and they both ran like the wind to catch up with Firecracker Kid and Random.
Paprika []
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Fiona was delighted to see her Mommy and to get out of the stinky latrine duty but she still admired Roxanne and wanted a souvenir of her adventure. As Paprika wrapped her arms around her, Fiona snagged a couple of items from a hook on the inside of the latrine door.
As soon as Paprika was sure no one was pursuing them she stooped to catch her breath and to lavish more kisses on her daughter.
Fiona wiggled out of her embrace to see what she had scored in her 'snatch and run' theft.
It was one of Roxanne's motorcycle vests and a heavy bag. Fiona put the vest on and wished for a mirror so should could admire her new outfit and decide if she looked just the tiniest bit like her idol Roxanne.
Paprika started to laugh "That vest is big enough for a dress for you. A leather mini dress!"
Fiona looked in the bag and then dumped the contents on the ground, "JOOLS! It's all of Random's jools from the castle."
Paprika pawed throught the glitter until she found a gold and ruby necklace. She wrapped it twice around Fiona's slender waist to cinch in the leather vest. " Now pick up the jools, dear, and let's go. My sleep spell will wear off soon and the guard will raise an alarm."
CookieToes []
*****************************
SuShi gathered the motley crowd together so Purrincess Kiwi could open her gifts under the trailer canopy - a huge pile - all wrapped in assorted rainbow trout fish skins and pretty sparkle paper. One even had a candied jellyfish for a bow!

When all were ready, she presented Kiwi with her shower gift: a 5 year supply of "Gilbert and Whisker's PIDEY OF THE MONTH CLUB" assorted fine arachnids from around the world! From glossy black tarantulas to the African Barking Spider, to the hairy red, 4-eyed Mexican jumping varieties, some were imported live, but most were freeze-dried. All came packaged in a lovely collectable gift box, nestled in their own webs.

"OOOH! Look! February's is HUNTSMAN!" Kiwi squealed with delight. "My favourite!"
SuShi []
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And from Lucy, there was a complete set of sparkly claw sheaths, set with real cubic zirconia stones, and a matching tail bracelet. In the tradition of wedding days, of course the bride had to have something "blue", so Lucy had specially gift-wrapped a neon-blue set of frilly undies, made from the finest polyester, direct from Frederick's of Horrywood.
Lucy []
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A special pwesent from Lola, Random, Fiona and Samantha. We tink dis wood be wobwy on yew wibing woom waww!
The Lola []
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"FANGK you, Lucy!!" Kiwi excitedly donned the lovely jooooled accoutrements and showed them off to the crowd. "Oh my stars!!! These undies are so purrfect. Look - even the tail hole is the right size - how ever did you know?!"

"Try em on!!! Try 'em on!!!" chanted the guests!

"Oh it's wonderful, eh! I love Hammm!!!!" Kiwi gushed. "We'll hang it right over the fireplace at our rustic country estate, right by the snowshoes and the shrine to Gordon Lightfoot! Thank you so much Lola, Random, Fiona and Samantha!"
Purrincess Kiwi []
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LeeLee rushed into the room at just the right moment to give her wonderful gift to Kiwi. Kenmore lifted the treasure out of the limo's trunk and gently carried it in.

"Look, Kiwi! I got you a Bonnie and Clyde Meezer Lantern! Ain't it grand??"

The light filtered through the bullet holes in thenovel, but lovingly selected present...
LeeLee []
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Miss Sophie wiped the icing from her whiskers and raced into the main room to give Princess Kiwi her shower gift. The large package sparkled and glittered with all manner of little fishes from the sea and was carefully adorned with a can of tuna for a bow. Tissue paper flew everywhere as Kiwi ripped into the package to reveal hundreds of tins of sardines and tuna and herring and shrimp . . . and nestled in one corner of the box was a huge container of Georgia homegrown catnip . . . and in another corner was an elegant, diaphanous white nightie with tiny magnolia blossoms outlined in pearls with a matching bedjacket of purest silk trimmed in the finest feathers on earth. Miss Sophie felt sure she had remembered everything of importance for the wedding night in spite of never having had a wedding night of her own!!! Fiddle-dee-dee on that ole Marley. Sophie stuck out her tongue at Marley as she discreetly licked shower cake from her paws.

I wish you every happiness, Princess Kiwi!
Miss Sophie, Magnolia of the South []
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Roxanne laughed as she looked at her control panel. "Aha, the little wee Fiona has fled with what she thinks is my jewel sack from the castle. Wait until she finds out that everything in that bag is fake. I already sold or fenced the good stuff. Boy, that little kitten is going to learn so much from me, and none of it good! I hope she enjoys that old leather vest she stole. I was getting too big for it anyway. Must see about Jenny Craig again or cut back to six six-packs a day. Anyway, I'd better go out to the litterbox privy and get the home detention bracelet off Baxter."
Roxanne []
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Having hauled Baxter out of the litterbox and having found Remy playing puffball with Kiwi, Roxanne stood up on her bar and made a grand announcement.

"Sorry, Queenie, I didn't mean to step on your head," Roxanne apologized to Queen Daphine. "It's okay, just go ahead and puke on the floor. I don't care about the rug. Now, what was I saying? Have as much fun as you want, girls, and when you're done, just burn down the house. It'll be easier to collect the insurance money than clean up this mess. Gentlemen, there is a helicopter landing outside right now to take you to Remington Seal's private jet. You are heading off to Maui to join Kanoa for Remington's stag party."
Roxanne []
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Pendragon mixed the queen one last drink, amazingly called *pitbull on crack #1* and left behind a towel and some cat aspirin for the whopping headache she was sure to have once she stopped puking. She smiled weakly at him with glassy eyes then downed the drink. Pen bowed low and gave her paw a smooch. "It's been great Queenie! Hope ta meet up with ya again real soon!"

With that he ran after Roxanne and jumped in the chopper. It tilted a bit when Baxter scrambled aboard clumsily.
Pendragon []
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Oh dear us...
Being fashionably late is a good thing but {sigh} we are ever so sorry! We have brought only the best Champagne it has real gold flecks and we wish The most Beautiful Bride the greatest of happiness!!!
The Kings and Princesses []
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Shriek! A meezette statue fulla holes so light shines through 'em! How can I thank you enough!! I can use those holes to hold all my Royal Edict scrolls, and maybe some Canadian Cheddar sticks, too. Thank you, sweet LeeLee!
Purrincess Kiwi []
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"Miss Sophie! You shouldn't have!" Kiwi shouted, a big meezette grin on her chocolate facickie. "But I am glad you did! Let's crack open one of these tins right way!!" With a sharp claw, she pulled back the tin tab and the aroma of smoked herring permeated the room.

"Time for ush to eat!! Where's the cake? Did someone leave it out in the rain??" asked Marley.

Miss Sophie pointed at Ailsa, who was blissfully passed out in the remains of the cake that Miss Sophie was supposed to have jumped out of.

"Hic! Thank goodness Pepe Joe isn't here to see this!" Queen Daphine cackled.

"Thank you, Princesses and Kings, for the wonderful champagne. Let's have a toast! Thank you all for a great wedding shower - I love you guys..." she gushed.
Purrincess Kiwi []
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All good things must come to an end, and so it is with bridal showers. After the champagne toast, Purrincess Kiwi and her bridesmaids spent two hours loading up her car with all the presents she had gotten. Then there was the leave-taking, complete with giggles and promises to see each other in a few days at the royal wedding.

The party broke up, and the guests (those who could still stand) took their leave. Those who had fallen unconscious were loaded into their respective ambulances and driven home.

Sorrel and Sheba returned to the doublewide and looked at broken bottles and wreckage of the party.

"Roxanne says we should just torch the place," Sorrel shrugged. "But that's wrong. That's insurance fraud."

"Frankly, Sorrel, the place is still cleaner now than what it was when we came here to clean it up for the shower. Many paws make light work. Let's get going, and we'll quickly have it put right in no time."

At that moment, the repair person arrived (Sheba had called him on her cell phone the minute the first beer keg had flown through the first window) and replaced the broken windows.

With a little elbow grease (okay, with a lot of elbow grease), the little tortie and the elderly Burmese grande dame had the doublewide looking and smelling better than it ever had before.

"Won't Roxanne be surprised and pleased!" Sorrel beamed as she admired the tidy trailer.

"She'll probably think she's in the wrong house," Sheba nodded. "Then think how clever she'll think herself as she trashes it to her liking! Now let's go to Starbucks and get ourselves a well-deserved white chocolate latte."
Sorrel []
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