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Opened: Apr 27th, 2002 - 5:48pm
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Stag_Party_for_Remington_Seal!

And so the tale begins.... Stag_Party_for_Remington_Seal!.
StoryMeezer [Stories@meezer.com]
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Ahoy, mateys! We'll be having our stag party for Remy starting on Tuesday, March 26, immediately following Remy's birthday party. But here's the deal: We'll start the party on Maui aboard one of my chartered fishing boats!

http://www.mauibound.com/sportfishing_kanoa.html

We'll then sail on to Molokai, home of my famous surfing school, where we will have a surfing adventure!

http://www.kanoaaquatics.com/main.html

Bring booze, bring suntan lotion, bring your best flipflops and Hawaiian shirts, but bring Dramamine, too.

No girls allowed, except for Roxanne, because she's security. Entertainment will be provided.

Welcome aboard!
Kanoa []
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I'm going to wear my muumuu, the one with the palm trees and beach scene on it!
Baxter []
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Yo! As soon as I finish bartendin' and trashin' Roxy's trailer, I'll be at yer stag party. Guess dat fat white oak Duncan's gonna come too. Good. I can get drunk and bite his tail. Again.
Pendragon []
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I had a few sips o Mandis bwue dwink and posted my RSVP undew dat uddew stag pawty post. But...in da wowds of Jean VawJean "I wiww be thewe!"
Henri de Dork []
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I is ready to go.....*sighs* but ....Meowmy says I gotta bring my little brudders Grizzly & Friggen an I gots ta keep an eye on em ta make sure they don'
t gets in any trouble....AND.....i gots ta bring my big brudders Wolf & RedDog ta keep an eye on ME!!!!! Like I would get inta any kinda trouble.........Har HAr!
by the way, I gots me a new flask an its fulla rum.....i be sneakin itin sos we kin all have a drintle or two.....
TROUBLE???? ME??????
Captain Moosey []
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Aaaar Maties, I'll be thar with me catnip ceegars. Harumph.
Grandpa Kato []
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Nip ceeegarrrz??? HOO HAA...

Shooo mee da wayyy ta da pookir gaaam, da gurrrlz,
a-n-d ta da intoxicaaatin' schtuff...
Sir Kenishi []
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You can go Grandpaw but you'd better get your "hinny" back in the kitchen for your insulin by 7AM on Saturday. Ya hear?

I be wearin my hawaiian shirt and lei that meowmmy brought back for me. That is if'n my meowmmy lets me come. I've started da droolin again and she be real puzzled bout why I be doin it. Don't tell her but I sort of bring it on when she be payin attention to my brudders.
Holly's boys []
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Yo! Kanoa! I'm here at yer boat but where is youse??? Where's dat Remy dude? I done brought dat brat Bailey (had to pry him away from his moooommmeeeee! *said sneeringly* And where da hell is Roxanne? She done accused me of being a housecat! I gotta show her dat's not true!
Pendragon []
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The Kings have arrived and we brought the Carona!!! Remy our man we are very happy for you and your lovely bride to be!!! We are quite sure that we will have many questions for you...
The Kings, this time without the Princesses []
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Pssst! Guys only, except Roxanne, but she's the bouncer.

Party to be held here on the GAMES forum on Saturday, March 24, 2002.
Kanoa []
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Need any felines with catitude? I have more applicants that I know how to exploit! Will be glad to provide dem females with looose morrrals.
Cat Springer []
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Can I come? I am kinda little but i am TOUGH!

AND I GOT LOTS OF FIREWORKS TOO!
Firecracker Kid []
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I'll bring my Allman Brothers CD's and that super catnip Mom got at the cat show!
Random []
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I'll be there, bro. Bringing all my best tunes, and I'll try and talk Ailsa into making a big cake - we can get one of the meezette babes to jump out of it! Miss Sophie would do it I bet.
Panda []
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I'll snitch one of Daddy's guitars and we can rock the house awwwww night....!!
Bailey []
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Bailey - We know you are precocious but are you sure your Pawpaw will let such a wee one out of the house that late at night? Maybe Roxanne should come and escort you.

I could bring the cake with vanilla icing - or would you just prefer the icing without the cake?
Holly's boys []
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Hey, Firecracker Kid, take your little self and your incendiary devices over here to me. I have plans...
Roxanne []
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Yo, Bailey! You are an illegal minor! I ain't playing nanny to you. Wait until you grow up a bit before you go to stag parties.

Good Lord, what is the state of youth in this country???? In my day, kittens waited until they were at least eight months old before going to stag parties.
Roxanne []
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Kanoa,

Where are we gonna bring Remy for hish shtag party? I wash thinkin' about thish gin joint in Georgetown called the Cat'sh Meow. They hab Meezettesh in bikinish and white go go bootsh dancin' in cagesh! Wow! They sherve Cherry Coke in big huge flower vasesh! But without the flowersh, of coursh. The flowersh wouldn't probably do too well in Cherry Coke. Hab you ever sheen a drunk flower? Neither hab I. Don't invite any flowersh to the party. In fact, no plantsh should be allowed. I can't wait!
Marley []
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Hewwo.
Youse guys don't know me yet. I am Wivvy-Bs big bruddew. I would wove to attend Remys stag pawty and getsto know aww of you. Unfowtunatewy I wiww be bwinging my baby bruddew, Sean-Lorian (dat puwpwe fing..as he is known in ouw house) wif me. If weft a home he wiww pwobabwy gets into BIG twouble! And at 7 monfs owd he shouwd be gettin to know evewyone....So fanks fow da invitation, and i wiww see you aww dewe.
Heawty Back Swaps,
Henwi
Henri de Dork []
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Now...this be more up me alley!! shud I bring a keg o rum.....???? or cherry coke??? LOL
Captain Moosey []
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but...but....i'm gettin big...!
sometimes it's no fun at awwww to be a kitten....i can't go to any of the pawties...
(iweegul minowe...what's that..?)
Bailey []
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Will there be catnip liquer and loose meezettes? Cause, you know, a meezer must party hard if he's not sleeping hard.
Micky []
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Uh huh, uh huh, purrr. Will we be hunting those stags or just BBQ'ing them over the fire? Never had stag before ... mousies and birdies, yes ... stag, no. But I'll be there. Yup, I'll ... be ... there (said as in "I'll be back" from the film playing Arnold Swartzemeezer)
Sir Blue []
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Oooh! Stag is GUD!!! kinda like venison......i LIKES any kinda fud!!!
Captain Moosey []
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Whooopeeeee- I turned 8 months on the 17th of March - I guess I can come to the party and bring a little Romulan Ale to really help get things going!
Sarek of Vulcan []
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Bond, slipping past his probation officer, managed to escape house arrest, and get to the party with his Kitty Porn magazines....
http://cats.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?site=http://www.lightlink.com/beagle/livenudecats/
Bond, James Bond []
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Yo, Bailey! Ya want ta go to da party? I'll be yer chaperone. Yesiree! I'll pick ya up afta Roxy's bridal shower.
Pendragon []
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Yo, Pendragon! If the little brat pukes all over Kanoa's boat, YOU pick it up!
Roxanne []
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Dis pawty sounds wile weal fun. mandi had a gweat time at da showew. Da wast time i saw hew she was twying to give a bwue dwink to dis big pink furrmingo dat she bwought home wif her! Don'ts wowwy Baiway. I haf to bwing my wittwe bruddew Sean-L...so you can hang wif us!
Henri de Dork []
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Random and KnightStalker drove as fast as they could across the Blue Pacific. After getting the van right-side up, they'd scrounged various parts from the very big heap of junk behind Roxanne's double-wide. From these, they'd fashioned pontoons. Random had found a large fan, which he'd cleverly fixed and attached to the rear doors. They'd fixed the tires, too, and now they had a beautiful amphibious vehicle - part car, part hovercraft. After stopping at the nearest MiniMeezer Convenience store to gas up the van and buy lots of junk food, they'd headed for the coast, picking up Fiona and Paprika on the way.

"Oooooooo, I can't wait to see Hawaii," gushed Fiona, bouncing on the seats with excitement.

"This is a stag party, Fiona," said Paprika, "and we'll have to find some other amusement while the boys live it up on the fishing boat."

Fiona pouted and flattened her ears. "But I wanna play with the boys!" she cried.

"Purrthonally," Sir Lester remarked, "I can't wait to thee the Fighting Chairth on that fithing boat. I have never theen two chairth fight before, have you, Random?"
KnightStalker []
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Where is everyone????

I'm here at the dock, and Remy is already below decks, taking a nap after having played puffball for the entire flight from Virginia. Roxanne is loading on the booze, and Pen is moaning about not being a housecat.

Where is everyone else?

We're sailing shortly!
Kanoa []
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Get your housecatty fluffbutt over here and help me winch up the beer kegs from the dock.
Roxanne []
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I'm here!!! Ready to rock and let my flubber roll! I've never been on a ship before! This will be fun. Just keep fluffbutt away from my tail or I'm pitching him overboard!
Duncan []
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"Call me a housecat one more time and you're gonna be wearing this damn keg," Pendragon growled, his fluffy tail swishing angrily. He let loose a loud, smelly belch in Roxanne's face to make his point. She waved her paw in front of her face and scrunched up her whiskers. "You SUCK!"
Pendragon []
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"Oh, look, Pen and Rox really love each other," Baxter gushed as he prepared to step aboard Kanoa's boat. The minute he put his fat blue foot on the deck, the boat groaned and listed slightly to the side, causing some of the beer kegs to shift. Both Pendragon and Roxanne turned to him and hissed, "Go on a diet, fat boy!"

"But I'm on a seafood diet," Baxter protested. "Really!"

"Yes, when you see food, you eat it," Roxanne snickered.

Kanoa rolled his eyes.
Baxter []
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Mozart watched Roxanne and Pendragon spat and growl at each other and figured now was the perfect time to run onto the boat. He almost fell in the water when the boat tilted, causing the gangplank to shift. Looking ahead he saw Baxter getting on the boat with Duncan hanging over the rail watching. "No wonder the boat shifted with those two fat butts on the same side," he muttered to himself. Getting on the boat, he yanked Duncan to the other side so balance the boat.
Mozart []
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Sebastian lightly jumped in the boat and bounced over to where Mozart and Duncan were standing on the other side. Sebastian carried a sackfull of puff balls. He figured Remy was bound to loose a few into the ocean. The deck wasn't that big, after all. He watched as the Pendragon and Roxanne loaded the remaining kegs on board.

"Is The Mandynator helping with security, Duncan?" he asked.

"Don't know. She didn't say. Can't believe Roxy wouldn't ask her for help, though. I sure would like to see her."

Sebastian noted a patch behind his ear. The fat white cat was fearful of getting seasick.

Sebastian leaned over the rail of the boat and watched a dolphin playfully nod its head at him. The dolphin seemed close enough to touch. It smiled at him and looked out toward the open ocean, looked back at Seb and disappeared beneath the sea. Sebastian searched for it then jumped back, startled, when the dolphin broke the water in front the bow of the boat. Silvery droplets rained down around Sebastian and the bow of the boat. He thought he heard the dolphin say "Come on! Let's go! What's the hold up? I can show you some great fishing spots!" And with that, the gray body disappeared under the water again. Mozart looked longingly after him. Suddenly the deck shifted beneath his paws. Behind him, on the aft deck, Roxanne bellowed, "Late comers will have to join us by speedboat. Let's get this boat on the road!"

A chorus of happy meezer and non-meezer howls punctuated the air!
Sebastian []
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Roxanne started the engines and skillfully guided the boat away from the dock and into the harbor.

"Next stop, you losers, is Kanoa's Surfing School. In the meantime, party it up and remember to hurl over the railing!" she growled. "If anyone needs ice, I'll fire up the woodchipper."
Roxanne []
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Micky made huge gashes in the water with his Meezer PURR 5500 speedboat. In the distance he could see the Stag Party already in full swing on Kanoa's boat. How terribly tardy of him.
The next moment he had to swerve sharply to miss hitting a playful dolphin racing ahead of his boat, playing with a near empty catnip liquer bottle. Leaning over the side he yelled – “Tuna!” and grinned when the dolphin ducked under water. Reaching out a paw he skilfully caught the bottle tumbling down and downed it in one swig.
Life was great. Oh yes. Just wonderful!
Truth was, Micky was on a mission. Blue had abandoned him just last week and he felt terribly lonesome and peed off. This was a perfect time to get shozzled and party with the boys and loose meezettes he kept hearing about.
Banking sharply, he raced up alongside Kanoa’s boat and threw his anchoring rope to a young meezer, who tied it fast. Gracefully he vaulted onto the big boat and grinning madly, he swaggered to the bar and tossed 6 Tequila shots down his throat. And then turned, to find quite a few faces he’s never seen before, staring at him …
Micky []
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Good grief, Kenmore. Row fashter! We are never going to get there at thish rate. And I really need to get to Kanoa'sh boat. I think I got shum shand in my Shpeedo when I wash shcuba diving and it ish really itchy. I need to change into my lounging outfit before we shtart the party. Did you bring the exshploding sheegarsh and the moonshine? I hope you didn't pack them in the shame boxsh. You know that moonshine ish about 100% alcohol and thosh exshploding sheegarsh are pretty hairtrigger volatile. Kind of like Mish Show-fee, iffn you know what I mean. I sure hope you got that right, Kenmore. Now shtop shlacking off and row!
Marley []
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"We're jutht in time!" shouted KnightStalker over the din of the engine. "The pawty'th in full thwing and I can thee Mickey, already looking thomewhat worthe for wear..."

Pulling their amphibious van alongside the fishing boat, they secured a line to it and nimbly leapt aboard.

"Race you to the top of the rigging, Fiona!" yelled Firecracker Kid excitedly. Paprika shrugged helplessly at Random. "I know this is stag," she said, "but there's no stopping that girl. Just try and make sure she doesn't fall overboard. I'm going to grab some food and sunbake on top of the van while you men do your thing."

KnightStalker noticed Roxanne grinning evilly at them. "I see youse brought the jools, too!"

Random grinned back at her. "Yes, and they're fake, too, as you well know, but what you didn't know is the ones you stole from my Castle were fake, too. I have the real ones buried in a secret place!"

Roxanne glowered. "I ought to toss you overboard for that!" she snarled.

"Jutht conthider yourthelf lucky we didn't call the Feral Bureau of Invethtigathion," said a ghostly voice, "or you would be incartherated."

"Those guys couldn't organize a p**s-up in a brewery," said disdainfully.

"Thpeaking of which," said the ghostly voice from somewhere above them, "I have a fearthome hunger and thirtht. Thow me the galley, woman, then I'm going fithing with Random'th thpethial lureth. Oh, hi, Mickey, m'boy!" And an unseen paw slapped Mickey heartily on the back, whereupon the South African meezer yowr'd woozily, swayed, and plopped spreadeagled to the deck *kerplonk*
KnightStalker []
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Micky hurled over the side of the boat. Just at that moment, the boat tipped back and he received a full doze of slightly digested tequila mixed with the delightful salt spray of the sea - full in his furry face (now, where did he put the lime?). Spluttering and coughing, amidst howls of laughter from his friends, he staggered back.
Boy, he sure missed Blue. If Blue was here, everyone would’ve been laughing at him, instead of Micky.
The next moment, with the swell of the ocean, he careened headlong into the main mast. Ah, something to climb! Because, as everyone knows, climbing stuff is meezer therapy. On reaching the top, Micky suddenly realized that he’s not alone. Balancing precariously on the crow’s nest, whiskers into the wind, who should he find but … Firecracker Kid and a young torti girl – she looked likely to grow up to become one tortilicious babe! Blue would’ve LUV’d her. Hmm … ah well.
A slight ocean breeze tipped him from the mast and he went sailing through the air – landing smack down, in the middle of the buffet.
Ah, yes! He does feel a bit peckish, now that you mention it. Without further ado, Micky dived into the salmon cakes and marbled chicken pate.
Micky []
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Timothy, Samson and PC lowered onto the boat by private helicopter. They'd finally been declared well enough to P-A-R-T-Y by their vet. Meowmmy is still a little worried because PC is a little unsteady on his feet. He's so frail but meowmmy decided he needs some quality in his life. If Roxanne so much as gives him a glance, he'll most likely fall over. Besides, how could these three miss RS's stag. In PC's case, it is likely going to be a stagger!
Holly's boys []
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Random looked over his shoulder to see what the commotion was at the buffet table. His fur twitched with delight to see his comrade in paws Mickey. "Yo, Mickey, quit stuffing your face and jump in to one of these fighting chairs. The chairs don't fight but they do have seat belts and you can strap yourself in. And help PC into one of the chairs too."
Random and Mickey quickly helped their friend PC into a comfortable chair and fastened the seat belt securely around him.
Random looked up to the top of the mast where Firecracker Kid and Fiona were craning their faces into the wind like a d**g hanging out a car window.
"You kids get down here and fix plates for Timothy, Samson and PC. They need a little feeding up.
Random []
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Fiona came down the rope rigging as agilely as any monkey and quickly ran to play waitress for Random's friends. Ordinarily she would have given Random a giant 'raspberry' for even suggesting she do girly stuff but she wanted to get a closer look at Mickey.
"They do grow them handsome in South Africa," she thought, lightly dragging a paw across the back of Mickey's chair.
CookieToes []
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Fiona looked up to the sky; a mouse-shaped helicopter appeared overhead, its invisible magic tortie dust was wearing off. Panda carefully lowered Grampa Kato in a blanketed Longaberger LazyCat™ brand basket safely to the boat deck. With a wave to the pilot, he then slid down the rope to join the party.

"Sorry we're late, dudes, but we brought the tunes!!" Panda announced. "Any requests?? Let's get some boogie goin' on."

Grampa Kato positioned his basket next to PC and lit a big honkin' catnip ceegar. "Anyone else want one? I brought a whole case of my handrolled! Pure salmon oil cured BC nip, sea kelp wrapper, with my own private label, look."
Grandpa Kato []
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Fiona couldn't keep her eyes off the sky. Now there was a speck coming down from space(?) that kept getting bigger and appeared to be heading straight for them. Fiona eyes got bigger and bigger as the speck got closer and she was about to let out a scream when it suddenly halted and hovered over the ship. Three strange meezers that she had never seen before suddenly materialized in front of her and then she did let out a scream.

"Hello, little girl. I am Captain Sisko of the space station DS 7of9 and these are two of my Fairfax shipmates Harry and Brindle. They've never been to a party before. Would you please take us to whoever is giving this party so we may introduce ourselves?"
Sisko []
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Fiona clamped both paws over her mouth to keep any more screams from escaping. She looked the three new arrivals and then started to dance and clap her pawickies. "This is the best party yet!"
Meezers are coming on fancy speed boats and helicopters and spaceships and there was even a row boat tying up along side.
CookieToes []
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Kanoa, wearing a loud Hawaiian shirt and his Rayban sunglasses, stepped forward to greet the new arrivals. The fact that they had just popped in from outer space didn't faze him a bit.

"Greetings, gentlemen. Help yourself to the booze, the buffet and the fishing tackle, although I recommend that you don't eat all the bait fish. Save some for catching fish. My boat is your boat. The guest of honor is below decks at the moment taking a nap. He played puffball the entire way from Virginia. He'll be out shortly, though. Welcome aboard!"
Kanoa []
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Baxter ran up from below to the deck, panting and gasping with fright.

"He's there! He's there! Make him go away!"

Roxanne and Kanoa exchanged glances, and Roxanne rolled her eyes.

"We got a security breach?" she asked.

"Yes, we do!" Baxter blubbered. "There's a big blue fat cat down there! I saw him in the magic window! He hissed at me!"

Roxanne guffawed, but Kanoa answered Baxter with great patience. "Baxter, the magic window is called a mirror. Let me guess. You were hissing at the intruder while he was hissing at you?"

"Yes, and when I got a puff-tail from fright, so did he! I hissed louder, and he hissed back, but I couldn't hear him through the magic window. Man, this intruder is scary!"

"Baxter, that's you. That's your reflection in the mirror. We've been through this before. Everything's safe. Now go collect your wits."

"What wits?" Roxanne asked. "He ain't got any to collect!"

Kanoa gently pointed Baxter in the direction of the buffet table. "Go find yourself something tasty."

Baxter, still shaking, low-rode and slunk away to eat himself into feeling better.

"Can you believe how incredibly stupid that dimwit is?" Roxanne sighed. "He's a fry order short of a happy meal."

"But he is filled with love and is of good character," Kanoa defended. "That is what matters."

"Whatever," Roxanne shrugged. "Oh, lookee here. Marley is arriving. Let's see if we can attract some sharks."
Baxter []
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Remington Seal awoke from his nap. Still groggy, he could see his puffball gently moving back and forth on the floor of the cabin, temptingly pulsating to each swell of the waves. It was too much. The little sealpoint jumped out of bed and started chasing his favorite toy.

While he played, an idea came to him, and he stopped momentarily to record it on his Paw Pilot.

Note to Pepe Joe while saying wedding service: Do not say, "Let us pray!" because our male guests will hear, "Let us spray!"
Remington Frederick Seal, Ruler of the Universe []
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Pendragon clapped Mickey on the back. "Yer my kinda cat, dude!" The fluffy lynx point was impressed with Mickey's spread-eagled landing on the buffet tablet; the South African smelled distinctly of tequila and looked a bit unsteady on his feet. Pen stuck one of Grampa Kato's ceegars in Mickey's mouth and lit up.

"Look out beelooooOOOOOOOW!" Pen started at the sound and looked up .... and saw a cross-eyed, sealpoint kitten with a huge grin on his face hurtling down from the ship's crow's nest. Pen had no chance to get out of the way and the kitten splatted on top of him, flattening him to the deck. "Umph," Pen snorted. He stood up and shook young Bailey off his back.

"Wheeee! That was fun. I'm gonna do it again!"

"Like hell you are," Pen growled back at him, scruffing him and holding him up to eye level. Bailey wiggled in his big paws, whining. "I'm gonna tell my momma on you!"

"Go ahead, brat. Just remember who got you onto this boat in the first place! And who can send you right back off." Bailey stopped wiggling. Pen dumped him on the deck. Bailey licked a paw, contemplating his next adventure. Suddenly a band started playing near the stern of the boat. A big tabby cat with a splash of white on his face, chest and feet, strummed a guitar. A guitar! Bailey knew all about guitars! He ran off to help tune it.

Pen watched him go and sighed and wondered why he'd willingly signed on to this babysitting gig. He hoped Bailey and Fiona wouldn't hook up. That would be trouble!

Popping a sauteed pidey in his mouth, Pen put a paw on Mickey's shoulders. "I say we find da bartender on this here rig. I need some tequila!"
Pendragon []
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Samson, looking over RS's shoulder saw the words "Let us spray". Just my kind of ceremony, Samson thought. He suddenly caught the urge. Let's organize a spray fest game. He decided to get one going. Who around here doesn't know how to do it. He spotted a cut little fluff ball tuning a guitar. He debated whether or not to approach the little guy. He decided that this little fellow was pretty precocious. He went over and put a paw on Bailey's head. Stating "if you gonna be partying wif da big boys....."
Holly's boys []
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"Samson, dude! I don't know how to spray," Panda laughed, slightly embarrassed. "You gonna have to show us young'uns the way! Is it like the hokey pokey? Do you put your left foot in, your right foot out? Do we need tunes for this?"

Panda dug through his CDs and found the purrfect songs:

Sprayin' Alive (Bee Gees)
Spray My Name (by Destiny's Child)
Spray, Lady Spray (Dylan)
Let's Spray Together (Al Green) "Oooh! Meowmy's favourite!"

"Start off with "Who Let The Dogs Out?!" suggested Pendragon. "That always gets em sprayin'!"
Panda []
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Kenmore, pull the boat up a little closher to the shcooner, I don't want to get wet. Thish water looksh cold. And there sheem to be big fisheesh with big finsh shticking out of the water. Perhapsh they are Eashter Sharksh. Shumbody better tell them that Eashter wash lasht week. Hey! Eashter Shark! Throw me an egg!! Hehehe. Uh oh! That shark ish heading directly for ush. Hurry, Kenmore, lift me up onto the shcooner. Oh, all right, we will both jump at once. 1-2-3, JUMP! Oh my goodnessh. That Eashter Shark broke our poor rowboat right in two! Oh well, we'll catch a ride home with Roxshanne. *Sniff, sniff* Kenmore, what ish that shmell? Did you pee on the deck? Well then, where ish that shmell coming from? Geesh, I habn't sheen show many Hawaiian shirtsh shince Don Ho'sh funeral. Wow! I think I need a drink. Kenmore, be a good lad and bring me shumthing with an umbrella in it. Hello!! Baxshter! My rotund little friend. Gotten your shpine bit lately? We could give it a go! No? Catcha later. Shebashtian! You old shtriped devil. Lookin' good! How ish your golf game? Shtill chasing thosh little white ballsh around for no apparent reashun? Good! Shamson! Ahh, now I get it. They shtill call you Shtinky Winky? Hehehehe. Oh God, that wash a good one. Well, thish sure ish a good party. Kenmorrrrrrrre, drink pleash!! I'm parched! The Shahara Deshert ish in my mouf. Lawrensh of Arabia ish dancing on my tongue! Where ish Remy?
Marley []
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Roxanne, busy with bartending duties and bait preparation, tried to keep an eye out for Incoming's arrival.

"I know it's dangerous to travel from the Middle East," she told herself, "but Incoming is BAAAAAD, and he's smart. I know he'll be here."

All of a sudden, Roxanne pricked up her ears. Yes, he had arrived, just having pulled in a speedboat with a bunch of meezers. His Hawaiian shirt and wraparound sunglasses barely concealed his ninja armament.

"Yo!" she called.

"Yo!" he called back. He grabbed himself a drink, and then took up a ukelele. "Youse ain't heard nothin' yet. I'm gonna sing ya my Israeli-Hawaiian ballad that I composed on the El Al flight over: Aloha Oy Gewalt!"

"What a guy," Rox smiled to herself.
Roxanne []
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Thingth are threatening to get out of paw around here. *thigh* The boat hath a dethided litht to thtarboard thinth Backthter arrived and if I'm not careful, I thall thlip and fall into the thea. Where'th my beach towel with the pictureth of naked meethetteth on it, and my beach brolly? Oh no...Kenmore hath put my brolly in Marley'th glath! Blatht it, Kenny, give it back!

Thank you.

Now where can I find a nithe thpot to thleep in the thun before thith thpraying thtartth *grumble grumble*, I have had enouth ecktherthithe thith latht week or tho to latht me nine liveth and need to lie down. Aha! Of courthe! Ath an other-worldly meether I can thpread my towel and raithe my brolly above the thip.

Ahhhh, thith ith the life. Now I can thleep....

*ththth......ththth......ththth....*
KnightStalker []
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YO - check out these Hawaiian camos! It's a new pattern called "tropical "- along with the splotches of khaki & brown, it has bright green palm trees & flamingos on it, and I invented it myself. Already gots lotsa orders from polynesian separatist guerrillas, too.
And the ukelele is a special order item - look, it's got a mini-machine gun in the neck and teeny handgrenades for the tuning keys.
Now, where's dat nip?
Incoming []
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Baxter, resplendent in his flamingo and palm tree muumuu, finished eating the flower lei around his neck and dove headfirst into a banana cream pie. After he had had about three pies, he looked up to see Bailey flying down from the mast to land on Pendragon.

"Oh, that looks like fun!" Baxter said. "I want to be just like those kittens. I think I will climb the mast and dive down below."

In unison, all 228 horrified meezers aboard the boat turned and shouted, "NO! You'll break the mast, and you'll sink the boat, you tub!"

Baxter hung his head. "Nobody likes my ideas. Everyone says I'm fat and stupid."

Kanoa put his paw around Baxter's shoulders. "There, there. Lola doesn't think you're fat or stupid. Now go below and see what's keeping Remington Seal. It's about time he makes an appearance at his own party."
Baxter []
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~a rustling sound from deep inside a mountain of beer cans...slowly a small paw sticks out followed by a beer-streaked kitten face with bleary blood-shot eyes...~
"You...! (oops, I mean - "Yo..!")...Pendwagon....wake up...~nudging the large sleeping cat with a wet paw...~...when do we get to da pawty...?"
~Pendragon opens one eye...growls a bit..reaches up and knocks an avalanche of cans on top of Bailey..smiles to himself and goes back to sleep....from deep inside the pile a small voice....~...
"awe we thewe yet...?"
Bailey []
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There was a small WHUMP sort of sound as the magic, mystical vespa exited meezer space and landed with two wheel accuracy on the deck of the boat. Kelso, using navy approved knots, tied the bike securely. He still managed to look formal in a Hawaiin print shirt, white shorts and sandals. Brechin looked as if he was born to surf...'DUDES!' he proclaimed, while helping himself to three ham and pinapple kebabs and a drink with banananaana and rum and orange and rum and pinapple and rum and an umbrella.

Kelso was explaining to Bailey that while Elgin was 7 1/3 months old, he was still underage for the stag party and had been forbidden to come.
Kelso and Brechin []
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Grampa overheard Incoming's plea for nip and tossed him one of his ceegars. "There y'go, bud. Enjoy. Love the camos - tail hole is nice and ample. Even a fluffinator could wear them. Harrumph" PC quite agreed, noting the camo visor cap was purrfect for Samson and made a note to tell his meowmy about it.

Panda prepared a new lineup of songs in the DJ area - Fiona had come up to make a request in the hopes that Sisko and his interstellar buddies would be inclined to share the latest dance moves from their galaxy. They both grinned at Bandit, who was singing along more off key than Bob Dylan: "Spray, lady sprayyyy, spray across my big, brass beeeeddddd!"
Grandpa Kato []
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Fiona was having a great time dancing with all the cute meezers even if she was avoiding Roxanne. That wasn't easy on a boat! Ducking behind a keg and peeking about Fiona happen to spy Grampa Kato passing out his handrolled Catnip Ceegars. As the meezer men were laughing and singing Fiona noticed that one of them dropped his matches on the deck. She snaked one peach striped paw out and snagged them.
Glancing around again she saw her brother Firecracker Kid showing off his new 'Black Cats'.
CookieToes []
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Duncan waddled over to where Baxter sat with his head hanging down. "Hey, it's okay. Don't let them get to you. Don't you know that Big is Beautiful?"

Baxter looked over at Duncan, whose wide white belly appeared to be even bigger than his own. "What counts," Duncan continued, "is what's in here!" He put his paw on Baxter's big chest. "Miss Lola sees you for who you are. She loves you as you are. Just like my Mandy."

Baxter sniffed as he pondered Duncan's words. "You mean I can eat all I want with Lola?" Duncan blinked then said, "Uh, sure! I guess. Come on, let's go get the man of the hour and then I know where a stash of banana cream pies are hidden!"

Baxter and Duncan waddled below deck to find Remington Seal. It was quite a sight! Two fat cats, one white, one silvery blue, bellies swaying from side to side, tails up on the air, ambling happily together. The boat swayed gently with their rhythm.
Duncan []
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Pendragon yawned, stretched out his big paws then stood up and arched his back, long fluffy tail going straight up in the air! The cat nap had done wonders...he was really ready to party now! Looking around he saw that Incoming had arrived and was busy flirting with Roxanne. Pen felt a surge of white-hot anger run down his spine. He was turning on his paw when he heard beer cans rattling and a small voice say, "Mr. Penwagon?"

Pen frowned as he shoved the cans aside. Under the pile sat Bailey, his kitten eyes red and more cross-eyed than ever. "Oh crap!" Pen muttered, as he scruffed the stinky and decidely woozy kitten in his teeth. Bailey playfully batted Pen's whiskers.

"Look what I found under all the emptys," Pen announced to Roxanne as he sat his smelly charge down. She glared at him. "YOU were supposed to be in charge of him since YOU decided to bring him along." Bailey sat on his hunches and promptly fell over on his side. He giggled. Roxanne rolled her eyes. "Do I have to do everything around here? You and Incoming, take care of the bar."

Roxanne grabbed Bailey with her teeth ran below decks. Pendragon thought he heard her say, "Touch my whiskers one more time, brat, and you're BAIT! Got it?"
Pendragon []
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Mozart settled himself down beside Grampa Kato and PC. He was approaching geezerdom and, in truth, he didn't feel as spry as he used to. Grampa handed him a ceegar, telling him in his rough voice that he was glad to see him again.

"Been a while," Mozart agreed.

"How's that fine looking lady of your's?" Gramps asked.

"I don't know. I haven't seen or heard from her in a while," Mozart admitted. Mozart shrugged his shoulders in a feigned "who cares" way.

"Harrumph!" Grampa looked at Mozart through slitted eyes. "Sounds to me like you need to go find the purty lass."

Mozart and Grampa started at an explosion of noise. PC yowled and sent a stream of stinky pee out into the air. Across the deck, Samson hiked his bottle-brush tail in the air and peed on a flame-point kitten. The noise stopped.

"Children. Harrumph!" Grampa said and took another deep drag on his ceegar, blowing out fragrant smoke that masked the scent of cat urine in the air.
Mozart []
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"Ah can't WAIT ta get married," Sebastian said as he popped a shrimp in his mouth. "Mah Lady Baby beez da most beautiful creature in da world!"

Sebastian was standing with all the other striped and white-footed meezers at one of the food tables. Marley eyed him skeptically. "What if you want to, you know, have a fling with some other chick? It'll cosht more if you're hitched. That'sh why I haven't married Miss Showfee!"

"Never!" Sebastian declared. "Ah beez totally committed to mah Baby."

"Well, I think that's a fine thing," Kanoa said. "We'll have to throw you a stag party, too. When are you getting married?"

Sebastian shrugged. "Ah think August. She ain't made up her mind yet. She's got a new sister and all...ah think she wants ta make sure her sister can beez a bridesmaid."

Marley winked at Kanoa and grinned. "Baby'sh probably shtill looking at that shexy poshter of you in Roxanne'sh trailer!"

"What poster?" Sebastian said suspiciously.

"The one with your man-hood hanging out for all the world to shee. Word ish, she couldn't drag hershelf away from it!"

Sebastian looked at Marley then Kanoa in wide-eyed horror.
"You beez kidding, right?" Kanoa shook his head.

"Oh mah God! PENDRAGON!" Sebastian bounded off to box the big lynx-point in the ears.
Sebastian []
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Samson found Bailey under Roxanne's paw and decided to offer to kittensit the wee one. I've got something to show him. He explains. Panda was spotted as he rounded the corner. You come too Panda. You need to learn this too. Don't know how you escaped this in your education. He took them portside. You see it's all in the tail. You have to develop the right quiver to get it right. No squatting Bailey - that's how good boys do it. You not be one of those when I'm finished teaching you. You got ta pick your target and back up. You do it on things you like. and things that are important to your beans. They give you attention real fast that way. And so the lesson goes. Panda with a full bladder is a natural. Why did I never learn to do this before.... he mutters to himself. Bailey has a self satisfied look on his face. Wonder what my beans will think of this talent. Now I know what dat hole in da guitar is for!
Holly's boys []
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Firecracker Kid had a bit of a problem locating more fireworks and an even harder problem trying to find a way to get the the boat party. Dang he said. standing out on a dock. Well I gots an idear, he sent a can of 10/40 weight out on a long line and sure enough he shortly captured himself a stingray. i gots to go in style!!! he says, leaping on its back and yodeling, "Hi ho shark-ray, to the dream ship of Kanoa!"

SURF'S UP LADDIES!!!

When he got to the boat he found the party in full swing,

Ahoy Mateys, Sparkle Ball Boy is here!

He could barely be heard over the heavy metal and Hawaiin steel guitar grinding in a woofer maximized whirlpool of sound. The boat reeked of shrimp canapes, catnip ceegars and Sam piss. Well this ought to liven things up a bit, he said, unwrapping a packet of Black Cat firecrackers. It was just then that he noted that boat was sorrounded by sharks all intent getting a taste of blood! Not cat blood mind you, but Bloody Mary blood, for these were definitely fish of the meanest kind, pool sharks, card sharks, bar sharks and the relentless beady eyed loan sharks which were the most dangerous of all and now worked en masse for the IRS. As quick as he could he dipped the incindiaries in bloody Mary mix and tossed them over the side like so many live grenades. KAAABOOOSSHHHH!! he leapt back and forth on the deck as shark parts flew through the air and landed on boat.
Firecracker Kid []
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Yikesh! Duck everyone! Flying flesh! No, Kenmore, that ish not a duck beak. I beleeb that ish a shark shnout. And no, it would not be good bar-be-qued. Not even with cole shlaw. Shpeaking of which, I'm famished. Anyone got shumthing to eat? Come on, Kenmore, letsh mozshey on over to the shnack table. Hey, what ish that shign over there? Yesh, that big shign in the middle of the water...it looksh like a traffic shignal. No, it definitely hash writing on it...Kenmore, get me thosh binocularsh. Ah, yesh. It shez:

"Okay, all you idiotic party-goers. I am coming in for a little unexpected visit. Orangello."

Oh no! We better get over to the pay phone and call the police! Wait, we are on a boat and there ish no pay phone. How uncivilizshed! Shmoke shignalsh! Yesh, get me thosh ceegarsh out and we will blow shmoke shignalsh!

Puff, puff, *cough, cough* Puff, puff, *cough, cough*

BLAM! BLAM!

Darnit, Kenmore. Theesh are the exshploding ceegarsh! They were shuposed to be a joke for Remy. Hey, Kenmore, you sure look weird! Your face ish all shmokey. You better go to the bathroom and rinsh off. Bring me a root beer on the way back.

I wonder where everyone went. The deck sure cleared when thosh shtupid ceegarsh exshploded. I sure hope Orangello doeshn't decide to make an appearansh now, being ash I am all alone on a boat in the middle of the ocean wearing a Shpeedo with shand in it. I think I'll jush lay down here and take a little nap. That will take my mind off of thingsh.
Marley []
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"What? Whadda do?" Pendragon rubbed his ear where Sebastian had just swiped him.

"Ya...ya...put a poster of me....naked...on the wall at Roxanne's trailer!" Sebastian sputtered, barely able to contain his anger.

"So? I thought ya'd like it! Besides, Baby couldn't tear herself away from it. She sat on the couch, staring at it da whole party. I had to bring drinks to her," Pendragon said, shrugging his shoulders.

Sebastian was silent a moment while he contemplated this. "She beez looking at it da whole time?" he asked. Pendragon nodded. "She beez liking what she beez seeing?" Pendragon nodded again. He leaned close to the little lynx and whispered. "She nearly swooned when she saw it, my boy. She thinks yer hot stuff."

Sebastian sat on his hunches, a warm feeling flooding through him as he thought about his Lady Baby. His anger toward Pendragon evaporated. He was about to offer Pen a drink when he heard two loud *BLAMS* behind him. Turning, he saw Marley holding what once was an exploding ceegar in his paw. His lynx face was black with smoke and he wore an expression of complete surprise. Kenmore was flattened on the deck beside him, his paws covering his ears. Pendragon doubled over with laughter at the site.

Suddenly a loud *whump whump* filled the air. Pendragon looked up and saw a helicopter hovering above the boat. A cat with a large camera leaned out the open door.

"Holy crap! It's Catspringer!" Pendragon cried. "Where's Roxanne and Incoming?"
Pendragon []
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INCOMING and ROXANNE were cuddled in a dark corner, enjoying their plans for future mayhem when they were jolted back to the party by the sound of the exploding cigars and MARLEY's wailing. They came on deck to see what was all the commotion about, when they saw the helicopter approaching. Yikes, its CATSPRINGER! shouted PENDRAGON.
I'll fix his wagon (er, helicopter), growled INCOMING, aware that ROXANNE was watching his every movement with narrowed eyes. Get me some of that rope from the stern, and no I don't mean HOWARD STERN!
Incoming []
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Cat Springer looked down on the boat. This party's in full swing. Look at that devastation, he remarks. Could be a little rough down there. Looks like Pendragon, Incoming and Roxanne at the stern. He spots little Bailey and immediately directs an agent to recruit him for one of his "young'uns out of control shows". Better take my body cats with me. There's Samson. Good thing I Scotch Guarded my cranial prothesis. He follows his body cats down the rope onto the deck immediately slipping on something which shoots him directly into Roxanne's pawickies.
Cat Springer []
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"And I get how many cans of tuna...?" "three...you'll get three - solid albacore packed in....uuummm..."Spring(er)" water...it's the good stuff, you can't get this on the street...", explained Cat Springer's agent, with his paw around Bailey's shoulder...
"wellll....I don't know...I've heawd some baaad things about youwe show...so I guess my answewe would have to be..." Bailey turns and looks at Samson, who smiles and nods....Bailey turns, and with a quiver of his tail sprays the agent dead in the face...! "Thewe's your answewe...!" ...he strides off as the agent follows blindly wiping his eyes..."that's ok, that's ok - we can use that in the show...!!" Bailey scampers away as Pendragon and Incoming step directly into the agent's path...
Bailey []
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Samson nods in approval at his new pupil. You've got it - good work, he shouts encouragingly. Cat Springer gives his usual overdone spiel about people asking where he finds his guests but where does he find his audience. Cat Springer makes a note to bribe Bailey with four cans of Springer tuna when Bailey has sobered up from the PAWTY. Maybe Ribbons will guest as a mother cat at wits end with her incorrigible kitten.

Samson having depleted his own "water" supply heads over to the bar to reload. He observes PC with his head on Kato catnapping under the bar. PC opens his eyes and asks Samson if he has seen the Timsters. OH NO! They both spot Timsters at the same time. Is that our brudder water skiing on the life preserver behind the boat? I want to try that shouts Bailey.
Holly's boys []
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Duncan and Baxter were joyfully eating their way through a secret stash of banana cream pies when they heard Pendragon yell out "Catspringer!" They looked at each other, smiled and then grabbed up a bunch of pies. Running (well, waddling fast) up to the deck, they caught one of the agents trying to bribe young Bailey into appearing on Catspringer's show. They were impressed when Bailey backed up and let loose a stream of smelly urine. Duncan followed up with a pie in the face. "Should compliment that urine nicely, I would think," he said to the agent. The agent stood there fuming and cussing, trying to wipe banana-cream flavored urine off his face.

Down at the stern, Catspringer himself was getting to his paws after slipping on exploded shark guts. A piece of shark clung to his hairpiece. Roxanne stood in front of him glowering and looking as if she was about to feed him into the woodchipper. Baxter snuck up behind Catspringer and tapped him on the shoulder. "Yes?" Catspringer said, turning toward Baxter. A banana cream pie hit him full in the face. Duncan grabbed Catspringer by the tail and pulled him backwards. Duncan slipped a pie down Catspringers pants, along with some boiled eggs from the buffet table, then sat on Catspringer. Bailey started gnawing on his tail.

"Whmmmph!" Catspringer tried to yell out but his mouth was full of cream. Every time he opened his mouth, Baxter hit him with another pie. "I'm going to summmmph!" Catspringer tried to scream out before being hit with another pie. Duncan grabbed a piece of greenery from one of the buffet tables and stuck it on top of Catspringer's head, now covered with shark pieces and banana cream pie.
Duncan []
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The boat's stern had turned into mayhem. Food and fur was flying everywhere. Kanoa's guests were grabbing large pawfuls of food and hurling it at Catspringer and his agents. Mickey grabbed one of Marley's trick ceegars and stuck it in Catspringer's mouth, lighting it and quickly galloping away. When it exploded, banana cream pie, shark pieces, greenery and a smoking hairpiece flew high into the air. Catspringer put a paw on his head in alarm, his eyes growing wide. Roxanne kicked the woodchipper on and, following the flight path of the hairpiece, managed to be under it when it came down. Incoming began firing warning shots at Catspringer's helicopter, which did the only prudent thing it could do. It got the hell out of there!

Pendragon was thoroughly enjoying himself. The food fight turned into a free-for-all and everyone became a target. Pen picked up little Bailey, who was continuing to gnaw happily on Catspringer's tail. "You're all right kid," he growled at Bailey as he held him up to eye level. "Wanna help me with something?"

Bailey nodded eagerly. Pendragon grabbed Catspringer's nearly hairless tail and pulled. Catspringer fell forward on his chin; teeth rattled out of his mouth. Bailey stomped on a paw. Pen picked him up by the tail and twirled him overhead and out and out and out...into the water. Catspringer landed with a loud *kerplunk* in the water where he was promptly run over by Timsters. Catspringer surfaced, belching up seawater and hurling obscenities at the boat. Bailey picked up a camera and tossed that overboard. He stuck out a small paw and tripped one of the agents running forward. The agent pitched over the railing and into the water; he managed to avoid the waterskiing Timsters. Roxanne and Incoming threw the remaining agents into the water. The retreating helicopter hovered over them and lowered ropes to the water.

Bailey and Pendragon turned from the railing and looked at the boat. "Wow! What a mess!" Bailey said, his blue eyes huge in his face. "How we gonna cwean it?"
Pendragon []
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zzzzzzthththth......zzzzzzththththth.....zzz...whazzzat...??? The ghostly form of Sir Lester awoke with a start, then stretched, yawned and flicked his tail. He peered over the side of his floating beach towel at the pawndemonium below. Seeing the CatSpringer helicopter a little too close to his beach brolly for comfort, he manoevred himself and his gear over towards the floating van and Paprika, whose toilet-brush tail and flattened ears bespoke her alarm.

"It'th all right, Paprika," he said soothingly, "boyth will be boyth, and from what I've theen of Fiona, the can look after herthelf well enough. What thay I thnag thome of that pie before it all getth thrown at Cat Thpringer?"

"Oh yes, DO," said the quivering Paprika, "and I could use a small nip of nip, if you can manage it."

"Right-oh, coming up," and Lester and shortly the two were scarfing pie, swigging catnip liqueur and enjoying the show.
KnightStalker []
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Micky licked his fur clean, ears flattened. Another pie smacked into him, forcing him to duck for safety – seeing as all his cream ammo had long been tossed. He landed behind the bar. A lucky coincidence, I think not!
He had brought a bottle of Peppermint Liquer, as well as Cape Velvet Cream Liquer, thinking to introduce his meezer friends to the delight of “Springbokkies” The two bottles had not been opened yet - and he didn’t think the cream pie flinging, urine spraying, mayhem creating meezers had time right now to experiment.
But who should he find behind the bar but that delicious tortie babe he saw on top of the crow’s nest.
“Hey! Fiona? Cool dudette, wanna join me forrr a drrrink?”
Fiona gledged at him.
Pouring first the peppermint liquer and carefully topping it with the Cape Velvet, he handed a shotglass to Fiona. They both downed it together.
“Anotherrr one?” Micky enquired, his voice a soft purr.
Micky []
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I haven had so much fun in YEARS ! grinned INCOMING, flicking the remains of a creampie splatter off his immaculate black fur. WOOHOOO lookie dat CATSPRINGER try to swim fru all dem little fishies trying to eat creampie offen his facickie. I wudden have missed dis party for the world! And to fink dat I fought dis was gonna be a sissy fing.
ROXY, yous da best dame here, anna better fighter dan mosta dem guys too. I fink dis is gonna be da beginning of a BEOOOTIFUL relationship... An I just happen to have dis tailring I made myself outa some rusty barbwire I found on da way here - sorta matches da dried blood on your lapel, don't it?
Incoming []
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All the cats are at the rail taunting and cheering as Cat Springer and his aides shimmy up the ropes and into the hovering helicopter...Cat Springer shakes his paw at them thru the open door shouting "I'LL BE BACK...YOU HEAR ME....??!!! I'll get you ALL for this...!!!" as the helo turns and speeds away....
Bailey scampers over the decks, trying his best to avoid the banana cream, shark parts and assorted buffet food littering the deck...he spies the stage where the band is busy cleaning off their instruments and pads over, reaching under the stage to where he had stashed his axe earlier...opens the case and pulls out his guitar ( a custom-made Fender "Jaguar", of course..!)..hops up on stage, nods to the band and steps up to the mike...

YOU....!!! oops...I mean - YO...!!!
AWE YOU WEADY TO WOCK AN WOLL...???!!
"Dis is fowe my wittle chokwat dwop..." Bailey strums a massive heavy-metal power chord...
BRRAAAANNNGGGG.....!!!!
and then sets up a vicious rock and roll vamp..

I FINK I GOIN TO CAT-MAN-DOOO...
DAT'S WEALLY WEALLY WHEWE I'M GOIN TOOO...
IF I EVEWE GET OUT OF HEWE...DAT' WHAT I'M GONNA DOOOO....
CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CAT-MAN-DOOOO....!!!
I'M GONNA TAKE MY WITTLE TIA TOOOO...
IF WE EVEWE GET OUT OF HEWE...
WE GOING TO CAT-MAN-DOOOO......!!!!!

YOU.....!!! (darn....!!!)

YO.....!!!!!
Bailey []
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Once on board, Cat Springer looks for his glasses. Where are they? No one one board the helicopter has seen them. You don't think I left them on that d@$#$%% ship do you? He gets his binoculars out as the pilot makes does a 180 turn back over the ship. Yep, there's that Pendragon wearing them. Darn it, they were my new ones too. He debates what he should do in order to retrieve them. Should he just send a letter from his legal department? Should he send his body cat down to fight for them? Should he offer a reward for their safe return? Should he put his tail between his legs and go ask politely for them? The helicopter hovers as Cat Springer debates his next step.
Cat Springer []
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Random licked crème pie from his paws and face in time to see the Cat Springer helicopter bank off into the clouds. His grin of delight slipped off, however, when he spied the sign in the water ahead. “So that’s what Marley was flapping about, Orangello!”
Random slunk behind the bar and grabbed Mickey’s paw just as Mickey started to mix another ‘Springbokkie’ for Fiona. “Mickey get to your boat and get your weapons. Fiona tell the Rascals we’ve got real trouble ahead. I’ll get ‘Squirrelsticker’ and ‘Maiden China’ from the van and meet you back on deck.”
Random []
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Paprika sipped her nip of nip and felt a little whoozy, all this commotion, and all this food was making her more than a bit tipsy. She was sort of a stay at home Voodoo Priestess and all these cats and action were more than she could take. She was, however, pleased to see her little kids had become lively and popular young adults with their wits about them, and charming good looks they were bound to succeed.

She looked over at Random, Pax cousin, she said, i think I am conent to let Fiona stay with you. Knighstalker pointed out to me boyz will be boyz and so therefore, I can let you borrow Firecracker Kid for the rest of the adventure. And now for the spell of good luck. She sprinkled the ship with sparkledust which was her special hoodoo jujube mojo for good luck and for a moment the whole ship was ablaze with red, green blue and yellow St. Elmo's fire. With that she grabbed her cane and tapped her two paws together. There's no place like home, ther's no place like home, there's no place like home...
Paprika []
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"Yo! Bailey! Stop strumming that damn thing," Pendragon growled. "I hear something."

Sure enough the WaaWaaa of a siren could be heard. A large white boat with flashing red and blue lights was rapidly approaching the stag party. Duncan reached for a pair of binoculars hanging on a chair.

"Yep! It's her! I see her on the deck!" He could make out a diminutive cross-eyed chocolate point striding forward on boat deck.

Duncan lowered the binoculars. "I knew she would come!" he beamed to no one in particular. Bailey and Fiona collapsed in a fit of giggles. "What are you two laughing at!" They shook their heads, unable to talk through their hysterics.

"Oh, ha ha. Very funny." Duncan grabbed a towel and wiped off the black circling his eyes. He lumbered away from them to where the boat was pulling along side. The words CAT GUARD were emblazened in bold red on the boat's side.

"Turn off the *bleeping* siren or I'll woodchip your ass!" Roxanne roared. The siren was immediately squelched.

The Mandynator, resplendent in her security uniform, stepped onto Kanoa's boat. "Heard you were having problems with the paparazzi," she said. She surveyed the deck, which was still strewn with food, shark guts and woodchipped hair. Pieces of fur floated on the air here and there. Pendragon was wearing someone's glasses and for amusement, had popped in his wax lips. "Good lord," she thought. "What in the world happened here?"

She looked at Duncan. Bits of banana cream pie still clung to his fur and she could barely make out black circles in the white fur around his eyes. There was a moment of awkward silence between them. Mandy was on duty but she wanted nothing more than to fling herself into his manly arms. She lowered her eyes from his.

Duncan cleared his throat then said, "Mandynator. You're looking well." He leaned forward and whispered low in her ear. "Meet me in the bow in 10 minutes." He lightly kissed her cheek then straightened up. Mandy blinked and watched him walk off.

"Uh, er...*ahem*...now. What happened here?"

"Orangello!" Fiona shrieked from behind her.
Duncan []
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"Oh, goody!" Baxter cried, jumping up and down with glee. "I just love orange jello. Can we have whipped cream with it, too?"
Baxter []
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Micky, never one to decline the odd fight with orange tabbies, raced to his speedboat. He had to leave his magic horsey “Sak Sarel” on the shore on account of the danger of him trampling meezers underfoot. Blue had disappeared with most of the weapons they inherited / acquired on their African Journey, so Micky was left with only the claws / fangs a generous mother nature had endowed him with. But that didn’t stop this fearsome meezer. He looked forward to some claw to claw combat!
Starting his PURR 5500 and revving it a few times (for effect), he waited impatiently for Random and whomever else wants to, to join him.
“Yah! We’rrre off to kick some Orrrangejello *ss!” He trembled with excitement.

Note from author:
And this after one of Orrrangejello’s cousin had kicked Micky’s *ss to kingdom come just last week … but that’s another story with some very interesting psycho analysis probabilities

“Let’s go!”
Micky []
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PC gently arouses Grandpaw Kato who is sleeping beside him. We have to stop and get your insulin too. Us old one's don't move very quickly and we don't want to miss the Purrincess's wedding to Remy Seal. I think we'd better get ready to make our way back. Grandpaw Kato tells PC to speak for himself. He's still in pretty good shape and quick of paw for his twenty years or is it now twenty one years. He can't remember. PC tells Kato his birth certificate was lost so he doesn't know his birthday but his bones feel just as old these days. PC's new bean slave is picking him up by jet ski in an hour and there is room in the carrier for them both. Can you get yourself groomed by then, he asks? It's always better to leave before you become clean up crew, he states. What a mess. Whoever has to clean this up will miss the wedding for sure unless they sink the boat and claim the insurance money. Hmmmmmm Not a bad idea.
Holly's boys []
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Fiona ran toward Roxanne and Incoming screaming "Orangello" at the top of her lungs. Grabbing Bailey away from Pendragon she gave Pen a push toward Mickey's boat. "I'll watch the kid! You rascals go help Random and Mickey."
Dragging the young meezer behind her she ran from guest to guest raising the alarm. Finally ending up on the same side of Kanoa's boat as Mickey and Random she waved frantically at Mickey," I loved the drink Mickey."

"Random, don't you dare let Mickey get hurt!" she commanded.
CookieToes []
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Random ran as fast as he could back to the van. Grabbing 'Squirrelsticker' and 'Maiden China' in one paw he scooped up the ninja throwing stars with the other. Dancing through the food and chum littered deck he made it to the other side of the boat just as Mickey ran the engine up to it's full 5500 RPMs. Random tossed the weapons on board and then leaped in himself.
Looking over his shoulder he yelled at the others "Let's go kick some mangy orange butt!"
Random []
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"Tis true, old furriend," Kato nodded to PC. "We best be getting my insulin. Dang diabetes. Harrumph. Hard to believe I'll be 152 years old on May 12. I hear the ol' blond extrovert is flying to Vancouver to bring me back a whole BC salmon to celebrate! But for now I gotta stay trim, so I can fit into my tux - I am giving away the bride yew know." He chuckled, longing for a nice big corncob to munch on. "We'll let those young meezersnappers deal with Orangello. But I bet Sheba and Sorrel do a great job cleaning up the boat. Maybe they can force Orangello to do it."
Grandpa Kato []
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The PURR 5500 raced through the waves. Micky enjoyed the adrenaline pumping in his veins, the wind on his whiskers. Random was at his side, a huge grin on his face. Orangello was the foe of legends, and both of them couldn’t wait to add their names to those legends.
Micky pulled the steering wheel, banking the boat sharply but unneeded. It was done more for effect, cause he knew that a certain tortie meezette was watching.
Racing up alongside the big yacht, they prepared to board. Micky almost mewled with anticipation. He was ready, he was able. He would tear that mangy orange tabby to shreds with his bare claws.
They boarded, yowling fierce battle cries

to be met with total silence. Their cries died in their throats and bemused, they looked around. The pungent smell of orange tomcat still clung to all the walls – but the deck was deserted. They decided to investigate below deck.
That door wasn’t closed and exchanging worried glances, Micky and Random hesitated briefly before entering as stealthily as possible, crouching low, moving as silently as … as … well, the cats they are.
And what a sight greeted them. Against all the walls was attached, row upon row …
Zoom Grooms of all shapes and sizes.
“What IS this?” Micky proewmed worriedly

See Meezesion Impossible thread
Micky []
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Fiona waved at the speed boat until it was just a speck on the water. She looked around to see that Kanoa's boat was deserted except for Bailey that she was still holding by one paw and a very disturbed looking Kanoa. Fiona reached into her designer shoulder bag and pulling out a generous pinch of sparkling magic dust she recited:
"Wind and surf
Sun and dew
Make this boat as good as new"
The waves swirled around and around the boat and the wind blew around and around and all the trash and debris of the party swirled away. No doubt to the nearest recycle center as Fiona had been properly brought up and never littered.
Fiona looked around the boat with a very satisfied expression and then said to the grinning Kanoa "Let's go home."
CookieToes []
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Timothy and Samson landed with a thud. What were they doing back on their heating pads in Mississauga? Oooowww our heads, they moaned. Did Meowmmy spike that water again? We were dreaming of a Hawaiian boat, and all our playmates, and RS and Kiwi's wedding and having a grand time messing up and then kerplunk - back to reality and Meowmmy calling dinner.
Holly's boys []
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Remington Seal burst onto the deck from below, puffball in mouth. He promptly dropped it when he saw the boat was empty except for Roxanne, Kanoa and Baxter, all of whom were tidying up.

"Hey, where is everyone? Where's the party?" the little sealpoint asked.

"It's all over," Kanoa replied, bagging up trash. "While you were below decks playing puffball, everyone came and went."

"And the food was REALLY good," Baxter said, smacking his lips and patting his ample tummy.
Remington Frederick Seal, Ruler of the Universe []
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*Yawn* *Smack, smack, lick*

Hey, Kenmore, where in the world are we? We're on the Freeway??!! How did we get on the Freeway??!! Lasht thing I remember wash laying down for a refreshing little nap on the deck of Kanoa'sh boat. Oh, I shee. You carried me away from a really fun party, floated me on an inner tube acrossh the ocean, and put me in the limo. Well, fine. How many root beersh did I hab? Oh, that many. Well, fine.

My head don feel show good. And, boy, thish Shpeedo sure ish itchy. Filled with shand. Ish anyone looking? I think I'll jush take off thish Shpeedo and change into my pajamash. Oh my gosh! I think that ish Mish Show-fee in that car! Yesh, that little red shportsh car. I dunno iffn I can face her with my head feeling show bad and my Shpeedo filled with shand. Hash she sheen ush yet?? Duck, Kenmore, duck! Aaack! No, don duck, we'll crash!! AAAAAAHH!!

*CRUNCH* *CRINKLE* *POP*
Marley []
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Grampa narrates:
*That weren't root-beers, Marley ol chum - that'd be the cola cerise, imported to the party from Canada by yours truly, eh. But I suppose yew couldn't read the Furrrench, and THOUGHT it was root beer!
Grandpa Kato []
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Well, Kenmore, thish ish another fine mesh you hab gotten me into. Now look at our beautiful limo. It hash a shcratch on it! Look at that! A big, long, dark, deep, unshightly shcratch. And we hab to go to Remy and Kiwi'sh wedding! How can we hold our headsh up high driving up in a limo with a big, long, dark, deep, unshightly shcratch on it? Huh? I ashk you!

Now shtop whining and hand me one of thosh Furrench Shereesh drinksh. We hab to get home and change for the wedding!!
Marley []
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Pendragon flopped on the couch and pawed on the tv with the remote. Duncan sat on a cushion several yards away from Pen, pouting and still nursing his sore tail which sported three new Pendragon bite wounds. Pen had been hungover and in a foul mood on the ride home. A harmless question by Duncan enraged the fluffy lynxpoint and he had grabbed Duncan's tail with his teeth.

"This show is so stupid," Duncan pouted. "I don't see why we have to watch it."

"Shut up, you fat, white oaf, or I'll bite you in the ass." Pen turned the volume up. He liked watching Entertainment Meow. The main chick was a long-legged absynnian who seemed to gledge at him through the TV.

"And now, that exclusive video we promised you from Remington Seal's stag party in Hawaii," she purred into her microphone.

The TV image cut away from her face to Kanoa's boat. The video was obviously taken from a helicopter. Most likely CatSpringer's. Pen wondered how much the cameraman had made by selling the film to EM!

"Seems the catnip liquer and ceegars were flowing freely at Remington Seal's stag party," the announcer was saying as the camera zoomed in to the boat deck. "When some uninvited guests crashed the party, the revelers appeared to have a fun time putting them into their place. My goodness, but look at the size of those two cats with the cream pies! That's the last thing those two need. And...oh my! Is that CatSpringer who just got pies in the face? I bet he didn't like that!"

Pendragon laughed at the scene on the TV. The site of CatSpringer's toupee being woodchipped and CatSpringer and his agents being thrown overboard was almost too funny to watch. The camera zoomed in on Pen prancing around the deck with CatSpringer's glasses on. The last shot was of a waterskiing Timsters running over CatSpringer and several of his agents.

"That looked like some party, Bobtail!" The leggy absynnian was back on the TV screen. "I understand there was no sign of Remington Seal?"

"No, Babs. My sources tell me he was below deck the entire party playing puffball. Some speculate that's not all he was playing with...but of course we have no confirmation of that."

"What?" Sebastian cried out. "There weren't any strippers on that boat!" He glared at Pendragon. "Were there?"

"What the hell are you looking at me fer?" Pen tried to look shocked and innocent. "I didn't have nuthing to do with it!" I swear!"

Sebastian sighed. "I'm not even going to ask."

"I wonder what Purrincess Kiwi thinks of her young suitor's behavior," Babs was saying to her invisible viewers. She put her paw to her ear, her face becoming very serious.

"Late breaking news from Screeching Sam outside Washington, DC. Go ahead, Sam!"

The scene switched again, this time to a short, fat tabby with a scratchy voice. "Good evening. This is Screeeeeching Sam here, reporting from Washington DC." The camera panned out from the tabby to show a long white limo. "International Super Star Marley, on his way home from Remington Seal's stag party, has apparently crashed his limo. Sources report that one minute he and his driver, Kenmore, were looking up and the next, ducking down and that's when the crash occurred."

"Oh my goodness!" Babs feigned concern to her viewers. "Was anyone hurt?"

"Just the limo, Babs. I'm afraid it will need a new paint job." The camera was pointed back at Screeching Sam. "Now the interesting thing is that Marley, who immediately hid under a blanket following the accident, appeared to be wearing black face!" The camera showed a blanket-covered form in the background with four white paws sticking out of it."

"I wonder if he was trying to make some sort of statement about seal-point meezers," Babs speculated.

"That is the conjecture right now," Screech replied."Reportedly, Cynthia McCoon is already calling for an investigation on Catipol Hill. She's sniffing out some sort of conspiracy theory. This is Screeeeeeeching Sam, reporting from Washington DC for Entertainment Meow."

"Thank you, Screech, for this very interesting report! And we'll be right back." Pen turned down the volume.

"Oh my god!" Mozart said from behind the couch where he had been going through the mail. He handed a magazine to Sebastian. "What? What are you oh my godding about?" He looked at the cover. It was Pen's subscription to Daily Cat Enquirer.

"Open it up to the second page." Sebastian's eyes grew wide. He looked over at Duncan, then closed the magazine.

Duncan sighed heavily. "Let me see it. Whatever it is, it can't be that bad."

Sebastian handed him the magazine. Duncan opened it then closed his eyes. Pendragon, who was looking over his shoulder, fell off the couch in tears of laughter. On the second page was a huge, full-color picture of Duncan stretched out asleep on Kanoa's boat. The bold yellow caption read: Is this a cat or a giant hostess snowball? Inquiring cats want to know!
Pendragon []
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This story continues under a new story title, Preparations for the Wedding.
Story Editor []
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